.The Reverse

It was my birthday, maybe half an hour ago. We cheered with Milk on the 12 midnight yesterday and I receive presents and wishes from many, facebook messages, chat messages, texts, calls, live, which I got earlier.  Ed , thanks for all the 4 wishes and your attempt on keeping awake up till 12 just to be the first one to wish me. I appreciated it. MG, YiJo,IQ 200 , I love all your presents, especially the one with Manuel Bandeira's litle poem, which I am obsessed with as always. Thanks. WP,FISH, who gave me live wishes. Vetagen, thanks for being appropriately nice and the wish, you're the only one that call anyway. Thanks=) CF, I don't blame you for not doing so, because I understand what trouble would it bring to you, but thanks for remembering to text me and wish me. it's important to me that you haven't forgotten. Well, I was happy with everything, there's just only one thing that bothers me though : OK, I decided, It's not really a bid ...

I really wonder what's wrong with the communication system, 2 people have been telling me some things, having think that IQ200 was my boyfriend.  Munis asked why wasn't I in KL with the debate team. He was wondering was it because of IQ200. Another was one of my senior that I got to know through debate from Padang Serai, he too asked me if IQ200 was my boyfriend. WTH. ==. Hell Kaiser started to chat with me, lately, and frequently. Come to think that he was lucky that we were asked to write down our contact number for CK last time. I got to know that he wanted my number, but I didn't give him and asked my friend not to give him. Somehow, he got it, and legally too. My relatives are coming tomorrow. Jot : Ayumi Hamasaki is just unique. Though I really like her Ballad . She's difficult to take a good picture, different angles shows different age. Sometimes just too old. My favorite side Look =D

Currently using my cousin sister's net book to type, I am using this opportunity before all those male cousins of mine start nosing in to the room for tetris battle. It was quite a fun new year this year, though i had to complete my homework. The stupid SEJ and Maths, wahaha!! COMPLETED. I got many ang paus this year, due to my birthday and also my trip to Taiwan, and my PMR results. I am trying to avoid people knowing I am going there, seems embarrass to tell them. > <. Taking ang pau was fun and funny, we lined up wishing grandma. Taking family pictures and my lovely cousin from NZ. By the way, I am allowed to colour my nails. Yeepy!! I finally saw my baby cousin from KL. Alright it's the best!!! He never stop laughing and screaming,   I told WP that he's practicing his vocal, A good soprano. HoHo. But he can be really nasty when he's angry and frustrated. He can play with handkerchiefs for almost 10 minutes.== There were no fire cr...

It's been a long time I haven't updated my blog. I had been REALLY REALLY BUSY. I will try to update the latest when i have access to internet. Happy CNY! Happy HOLIDAYS!! Owh...and Edward, Happy Birthday!=)

It is exactly 31 days before my PMR , and see, I am still here, stuck up with the rest of you who are in the Social world, the blogging world and the Facebooking world.Honestly, I should not be here. I should be in my room with my books, but in vain. :( I don't have to MOOD too study. Mood. MOOD means feelings, it controls the colour of my day,my facial expression, my homework, everything, even my sleep. I couldn't sleep yesterday. I was thinking about him again. This morning, I read through my personal diary from 29 th April last year until 2712. They were just words, words that allowed me to visualize my life in 2010. It was funny, that seem to be a real me, a better me, a healthier me. :) I miss it. And now, i do wasted my whole week of holidays watching drama and completing my home works. I finished my past years, and now i am left with revisions for the PMR . I had been stubborn, obstinate to watch that Drama, I was quite determined to be oblivious about the time i...

Today is the first day i had never regretted for waking up at 6.30am to go to CRC for a swim. I swam 10 laps of freestyles, few breastrokes, butterfly and Backstroke. I left the pool at about 8, took my shower, came out, and saw my dad talking to one of his friends. I know that today they are having Basketball competition, by hearing the sound and so many people around the court. So i went to sit at one of the bridges at the baby pool. I was bored, so i looked back to the place where people usually sit for eating western food at the cafe, i saw somebody wearing a black shirt, he seems familiar, but he was too far for me to be sure. So i ignore him and it's time to go. But i told my dad i wanted to talk to my friends after seeing Ping2 and Mei Ggi and A Bei, so i just walked over and pinched Ping. Gosh, it was the first time she wore that kind of shorts. Pretty > 3 < . Haha . I can't help it =) Then she told me that Edward was here. Upon hearing that, my whole head was ...

19 . Today's raya, not much of fun. I haven't visit padang, i wonder if Pacak's there already.XD 20 . My Erhu sounded awful. The sound is so terrifying that it could even scare a banshee away. I need practice! Practice, and Practice. :) 21 . I phoned Don today about the Harddisk thing, and I overheard this : " Who are you talking to again har?" ==lll 22 . Owh, wth. My brother hit me, ok, slap, my arm. Just because i was trying to stop him from playing with my fb account. Pity my arm > < 23 . I didn't think about him for even once today. :) Wish me luck.

10 . Attended the Seminar in USM. Not bad. 50 Bucks. And i just realise that my cousin sister and I are no longger like a cousin sister should be. Phew. I didn't think it influence me much, because i haven't been chatting with her for years, except saying words during chinese new year, or when we see each other and call each other for the sake of calling, she's still a few hours older than me anyway. 11 . I don't know why am i still thinking about things that i shouldn't be. It's almost 8 months, and still, whenever i couldn't sleep, he always comes into my mind, i didn't do it on purpose, it's natural. I force myself to think about Pacak, but it wasn't strong enough for my thought to diverge away from it. It's too deep i guess, maybe the aftermath of the old missing. Just hate it. 12 . Mum doesn't understand why am i glued to the phone for a long time. For heaven sake, we are certainly not having girls' talk. == 13 . I miss ...

Ok, my memory RELOADED. Just RELOADED. == I can't believe it, I still miss it. Even every conversation of us is still perfectly RECORDED in my mind. Our first text, we were talking about how you hated Lin Dan. Then everything started to replay. The M's, The B's. The L's... ... P/S : Thanks for the stalker, for letting me know that i still haven't completely get over it. I really need to cancel out --- Miss ...

Pacak is finally back today. I saw him at the same old place. Ping was somewhere near, so i joined her with a conversation. XD , just to look at him. During Mandarin, i used the alternate staircase and passed by his class. Nazmah was in his class, he was standing with his friend, who was hugging him at that time near the window. There was two window glass missing, so i was able to look through it, he saw me of course. I had already reached the level where i can look at him for at least 5 seconds without shifting my eyes. Today was about 3 seconds, the corridor was too short. :( Edward is now a 6t h Former. He came back yesterday. I guess he pretended not to see me. But good, i didn't feel a thing, zero- hystericalness . I wasn't sure at first, thinking that he was just back for his SPM cert or some forms to fill in. So, i asked Fish to check weather he was taking the Number 41 bus home. After school ended, i crossed the road to the bus stop. Yes, he was there, so he's...

Written on 8 th of April. Yesterday was a very emo day for me. First, the ABRAIN go and shout at us like we are her dogs. I really hate her. She made me want to shout out those rude words back at her. She's not even the person WHO HAS THE RIGHT to shout at us. Just go to hell . And last night, I have to throw my temper in fb to Ping2 about her. I can't even play my erhu, I was scared that I will break my outer string by my anger. And I had fever, I guess it must have been because of the rain or the hot sun on Tuesday. Yi Fang said that I always get fever. Technically, I can be feverish almost everyday, just that they didn't notice. It might also be because I didn't get enough sleep the day before today. I was busy chatting in fb and I was afraid that that person will "break" if I went away, so I stayed in front of the computer until she said she had to go. And my bad mood is also because Mr. LJ told me Pacak knows about me. HE knows my intentions. HE knows ...

我，以为不再为你流泪就等于真真放开 的确，这不是我要的一刀两断 心 ，却又再一次被上天测试 再次，听见你的名时 ， 我又 为你而感到痛心不已 你，不会，不可能，也不必知道，只因 流星，只不过是一个美丽的谎言 泪，请你不要再找我了 。

I thought I will never get over the grief of losing Edward. In fact, after a month, and after the unexpected birthday wish, I found that I had forgave him. I realized that he is now, only a friend to me, not best friends, but still friends. I miss him at some times, but mostly if I saw the name on shoes and a few others. Like today, I saw his brother again. I thought of him immediately. He's working and he got fatter. XD I said before that I got a silly hobby, looking at handsome guys. A and Jacob-face. I wasn't that crazy about them. But there's one person that I sincerely have an interest in him. . Not the " interest" , but the normal interests. The first time I saw him, he gave me a different impression, like it's a spark, he doesn't know me, but I know him. I might have a crush on him. But I know where and what I am. When I see him, I won't give the kind of reaction when I saw A or Jacob-Face, I will only be happy and grateful, I have not fall f...

什么鬼东东？？！！T.T 我竟然会有将的心态？ 唉，也不懂啦，昨天倒霉到爆。给那Ady骂=.=...我是冤枉的啊～ 结果今天，也没什么好心情，连看帅哥的心情都差点被毁了。 天啊～我是还要看的，不过越想越不对劲，以前都没那样，自从那天后，就开始了那样的爱好。 多数是自己的心态所变，当然，我也是因为有些外在影响的。。。 其实，我自己也不是很清楚我是怎么回事。 人都走了，我也不能绑着人家。不过还是忍不住保住了一切有关他的东西。 我非常感激我自己没有答应自己不可在这里写到他。我知道这是不可能的。 唉，怎么一直不能狠一点？？！！T.T 奇怪的是，我发现我多了一个性格。。。 羡慕+忍耐。。。汗==lll 真的不懂我到底是重邪还什么东，看到了某些不该羡慕的东西。就会羡慕。 惨。。。我不要啊～有点不正常。 人家都说我不正常了，我不想等下变疯子列。。。 @____@! 看帅哥这一点，我不能再将了。要是继续下去，迟早我会变怪物（比疯子更糟）。 自于那。。。羡慕 的东西，控制下好了。。。== ! 本人今天用华语写，原因是因为，我比较更容易发泄～！@#￥%……&×+？/

Yesterday was my birthday, it's also Man-Days, "Ren Ri" in Chinese. I didn't get any presents, but I was really happy, because, Mom gave me a wonderful surprise, and most of my friends wished me, A said his wishes through facebook, and Jacob-Face , live at school. But the best part is, HE wished me happy birthday . I was really shocked. @@! I checked my phone and the number a few times to make sure it was really him, I couldn't be sure because that number hadn't appear in my inbox for at least 1 month. ==, plus, I thought he will forget about my birthday . I really wasn't expecting his wish. =) We texted a few times and it ended, just like that, I promised to wish him next year. My friend told me that another person knows about my tale, that means somebody isn't a good secret box. I won't hate that person , just that I won't trust em' that easily anymore. Sorry.=( But who cares, it's a tale, but not many knows what happen. So let them g...

Today's the day. Just 2 more hours to go. I made 2 wishes to a Firefly=) One for him, and one for myself. I was thinking i should text him once, but it was a no, because i really cannot VISUALIZE myself texting to that number again, so i turned my wishes to the bug. I can't believe i COUNT DOWNED yesterday, to that day? Rolling in my bed before i went to sleep, just for his day?Gosh, I shouldn't have. How come his nickname kept appearing when i never wanted to see it? and the number? It's my second buddy's position in form 2. ==lll Looks like God doesn't want me to forget him just yet. =( Kelwin's worried. His having a competiter, quite strong. He knows piano, Kelwin doesn't. But BOTH of you are handsome, so All the best to you from me.=)

I saw the show…and I thought about him again. I said I survived, but that doesn't mean I am free. Although he never appear in my diary anymore, his nickname kept popping in. I found myself looking to his old class, and hallucinations do happen, I always thought I saw him, and thought it was him. I had class at Kamar Syura , and of course, the place we used to sit kept setting my mind to replay back the scene of our first and best meeting. I really want to stop thinking about him, I did, my problem is I can't stop start thinking about him. You do have seen my status, whether he sees it or not, I don't care and never care. I just wanted myself to be open, I don't want it forever my secret . Every time I see my friend having a great time, I thought about him too. I am not jealous, I just felt a bit sorry for what I had gone through and why I couldn't preserve it. Maybe it's because I don't have any preserving techniques…yet. I know I shouldn't , but I m...

20 days after we ended. Hmmm…it was just 2 weeks and 5 days…haha. How slow the time crawls. Until now I still can't believe that it wasn't even 1 month. I survived. =) Recently, beside recovering and mending, I have been working on my schoolwork. My table used to be the tidiest in the living room, but now, it's a complete 180 degrees turn. =.=My work become from a piece to a pile. There are so many things to occupy my mind this year, I really don't want to think what will happen when PMR is around the corner. Maybe I should say…my First Secondary 3 Exam? This coming March. Despite that both my mind and hands are busy, my phone is busy too. > <! HKC introduced my number to a secondary 5 guy. So much for my attempts to not try to think of that figure, and that person's name is call Cheng.C.L.,besides. He DOESN't KNOW my name. He kept sending me pictures of him, fortunately( ^^), my phone can neither receive nor send pictures. But I felt that I need to know ...

Today's task ~Learn to control my emotions...and thoughts. It was morning and i turned on my phone. The phone beeped after about 3 seconds. It was a message from an unknown guy. I only know his name. But somehow i have a feeling that it might be him. I tried not to think of it. Maybe it was just a thought, because somehow, i know that he had some problem with his phone. I still need more time. so that i can stop thinking about him.