.The Reverse

Professional Exam is daunting again. Actually is 2 weeks down to study weeks and 1 month to finals. I am still going to say it, I will never be ready.  2nd year had been so so busy that all sorts of practicals and tests that came up one after another. At this point, we still have 1 more GNT to start--Oral Maxillofacial Surgery (OMS). We begin our year with conservative practicals, periodontic practicals, 2 sets of prosthodontic practicals, 2 weeks of CFCS. Currently still stuck in Radiology Practicals, and OMS practicals-- suturing, giving LA, extraction will commence next week. I never really had the time to actually sit down and breath through my lecture notes, literally. Anyway, that's dental student life, which I will talk about it after finals ( hopefully I make it into 3rd Year because I really really want to! ) Anyways, the end of the semester is nearing, few messes cleared up. I have learned so much about people and humans, myself included. I may be kind, but I have been

Things turned out to be better. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that smile from him. Because of that gesture, tons of weight on my shoulders, and whatever that was locked in me, that mess( still there of course ) , seems to have become less messy. Yes, people will remind me that , nah, remember what he did to you, and I am like no. People say can you just move on, yes, i should, but I am still in the process and far from the impossible. People say it like it's the easiest thing in the world, unfurl. But that's not reality.  You don't just move on like that, because all time does is that it changes you, they don't heal you.  I can't possibly find a reason to hate him. Even if I do, that's probably because i was in an instance of bad mood, and after that it's all fine again. Yes, i remember every single thing he did for me, it was not something i could keep as a proof, it's an imprint in my heart and mind instead. I am saying all this

2 months, exactly since it changed . So, what have I learned ? Much on letting people who hurt you continue their hurting, indirectly or not. While you feel it, as a reminder of how pathetic you could be because you think you could always live with the ideal form of that person the whole time, but then it was harder than you thought , hard to be just okay with it . People who were unaware would ask about us, and I have to say there's no such thing as Us. The inevitable question of why came , and then I realised I already had a fix answer , fix opening to begin with. It always starts with, we both wanted different things , and that I couldn't be the person the other half wants , let alone need. So, he wants to end it , and I loss my right to fight for us . People wouldn't believe that it could happen,believe me , I have been trying to for the past two months. Sometimes, people would just ask aren't you angry , or why do you keep blaming yourself . I mean, how could

15 days back to reality - campus life. Things have changed , a whole lot. It's not just the place where I have my lectures, nor the place where I am having my practical sessions, or is it my hostel location. It's about the people around you that has changed. People seem to have keep moving, I have ,too, but it was a slower process for me. Of course I wasn't stupid to think that life could be so easy after I was being cast out of his life. All those dreams that i still have, the encounters etc. Owh, speaking of encounters, I GOT YOUR MESSAGE !! YES. YOU WANT A TOTAL RESET . I get that okay, that blatant face and ignorance has shown me enough. I will give you what you want --- being strangers. I GET IT. The first few weeks, I was completely overwhelmed with remorse, and thinking it was all because of me that I had been the greatest cause. And the more I try to keep you in this ideal form, the more I find myself realizing I deserve better. Not a better person than you, but

My first year of university ended with a high note. Passing first year in the dental school had been my ultimate goal, and I made it, despite the real truth that I had barely survived it. The holidays are here , i should be busy catching up with friends and other stuff I always do -- enjoy. But somehow I had brought on something on myself that had doomed this holiday . I need to write about it. I need to write about you. Because one day when I looked back at it, i need to remember I was once okay, and that I was happy for a brief summer, and that everything had seem perfect. Dear you who taught me how to love, the hard way,  Yes, you. 4 months being with you. It was indeed a great one. I would spare the best details of it and keep them in my mind so that all i remember about you were the good ones.  The night after you decided you wanted to end it, I had wanted to beg you to give it a chance ( like you had asked me to) , but seeing what you had replied in the plea to end i

You know, its been some time since I last updated about how I really am. I am not really sure how to explain what has gone over in me. Ever since I came back from the states, I have this little part in me that kept telling me that things happen for a reason. People come and go in your life, and you just have to accept the fact and be grateful for what you have. I have to say it . Dear friend, I do not know if you realised it or feel it. We have been so far apart that even time could tell how much we have change. and how I have actually move on. I remember you were one of the most important people of my life, but today I doubt that was even true in me, nor you anymore. I do not blame anything for this. its meant to be. I remember I cared so much about you that I cried because you were jealous at me, for wanting to screw things up with your relationship. In matter fact, I was kind of glad that somehow you got to feel what I felt at some point. And that person who even made you fee

It turned out alright. I am so so so so happy. All it took was just some internal wifi-ing in the blogging world. Of course we will always be Best friends ;) I was so afraid that I would forget about the 2 days in KL. So starting with a really simple and economic journeyon 5th July, we took the 5.15 MaraLiner . Somehow the journey that was suppose to be 4 hours took up as long as 6 hours. Thanks to MaraLiner that for the first 3 hours, I was still stuck in Perak, what with all the stopping, picking up passengers in Palik Buntar and who-knows-where in Ipoh. I was suppose to read up something, and manage to finish 2 thesis, and facts and figures. Thanks for the Head Light dad =) We reached at 11 plus and guess what, I slept at 2.30am.  6th July. Woke up at 6am. I have to catch the 6.41 Commuter from Kampung Batu in KL to Shah Alam. 15 stops for 1 hour. Caught the Rapid Bus and went to Quality Hotel. Registered at 9.15 am. Name tags were given in the form of masking tape, Munis wa

I wanted to talk about my two days at KL. Then, when i logged in ( finally) i think i should write about something that is more important to me than about AFS. I trust we know what's going on. First, its not a broken friendship. Its still not broken. To me. If you thinks it is. I am sorry. Really sorry because I never wanted all this to end up in this bad shape. Maybe you are right that we are pushing each other away without us knowing how far we have gone, how bad it is until now.If only you do give it a chance to make it right again, at least just let me stick back all the pieces.  I want you to know that I understand both of you as a couple. I do. I know like maybe I am suppose to comment on both of you like others did. Snickering, saying stupid stuffs about your relationship, but why should I ? When I don;t think there's nothing wrong until this stage. I think I don;t really know how to. Second, I don't have a progress to embark on. I thought I explained to you. W

First of all. Let's start with the bad. I mean why am I in a bad mood. How would you feel when one of your closest friend could not even spare you.Iron Man, How am I suppose to tell you what i really know when Iron Woman is so powerful ? Hmm. If you're jealous, fine. You know I didn't really meant to do anything to even trigger that piece inside you. Narrow minded ? I can't help reminding myself to not use some other rude words. I don;t feel like using it just yet. I can feel it. I just ignore. It might not be what you think. I know, sometimes people like me gets driven crazy by emotions and fear. Then why did you even change, I might change too, but i am sure i change in what i share with you. Why ? Was it because of my name that happened to be under your scrolling finger tips on the screen ? Out of the blue you suddenly care so much about this lame name ?  I can;t tell you how I wish you would know what another half said. It's not something bad, but just a -let-

OK. I HAD REALLY REALLY SETTLE IT. I can feel it, this time, I felt extremely light and happy. =D So, all this bad mood didn't originate from him, you know, it was because I hadn't been able to to my best friend what I wanted her to know, There wasn't really anything at all, and I was sure about it when I talk to it to her. I admit I was so damn afraid of it all, but I feel that I really had to tell her. I don;t think I could drain in everything what Black Heart had said, and fortunately, I didn't. It felt good, I could finally be so sure for once, and permanently too. No, seriously, I can now tell Black Heart face to face that I really did not have any stupid feelings for him, as in .. Oh well, It all took only one month to settle, and I do thought that that thing was why I was so upset, and it turned out that it wasn't. Haha! =) YOR, WHY YOU NO TELL ME AR ? haha! OK, now that that's settle, there's one more thing. HEM! OK, don't think I don'

So, I am back from HELL. Ok, well, my exam sucks as usual. Guess I will have to face all the odds when school reopens. And, yes, I really felt like HELL. I mean, I just came up with some stupid aspiration. I WANT TO HATE MY FRIEND. First, it would make me FEEL LOADS BETTER. I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING SO MUCH I WISH I COULD TURN OFF EVERYTHING INSIDE ME. Being Damon is really difficult. I don't want to anymore. Haha! SO it doesn't really make me lose a friend, but I will have an extra enemy, which means more company. I want to build up that ugly side of me. I wonder how hard will it be? Of course what I mean is something like snapping and ignoring my friend. UNTIL MY LAST DAY. I don't mean to transform it into a burden, just some distraction. I TOLD YOU I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY TIME THINKING ON HOW TO HATE YOU EVEN I HAVE NO IDEA BECAUSE I NEED SERIOUS DISTRACTION. I deleted everything. The WHOLE conversation. I don't want to have anything of it meddling up my unstable

One week of exam. WAHAHA! One more week to go. All those tough subjects, SEJ, BIO...blabla..anyway. PHYSICS WAS SHIT. REALLY SHIT. Physics, thanks for slaughtering me. Miss Edna saw me and asked how was my exam, I have to shake my head, and Tan Gim Seng said that Physics was easy. URGH, IT WAS THE WORST PHYSICS PAPER EVER. Anyway, Hmm. Ok, not much to tell about those things. He realised that I was hiding ? Was I ? I don't think I was, I was merely incompatible to the situation, after all it's the exam week too. I think Hazard sort of sorted out all the things for me. And it was totally acceptable. I knew without all the telling. It wasn't hard to interpret  you weren't hard to read. About being the CF case. OK, sincerely I thought it was just between us, but now that it's a different case, so I gladly accept it. Not because I wanted to pull out from the picture, just it makes me feel better and easier for me to ignore what I want. And the song, my friend recomm

When I say one, it means I want you to tell me it has always been one. I don't want to know if there's two, because to be frank, I do care about numbers a lot, as in this case. Numbers are superstitious enough. So, please say that there's only one. I remembered I said something about not making it into three, I did manage that part. So now it's for your part, I want you to have only one. So, I am definitely quitting. I don't think it's call quitting, maybe shutting down ? Though you know I already am. I did not regret over what I had done or said, so give me a break or something. XD Even though sometimes I couldn't help but smile at those stupid little things, for instance, CO.CO. Haha! =) I really had forgotten that white is considered a colour. I know it's limited, I promise you I will make it limited. It would be easier for you too. I was wondering why you said I am not blind. I couldn't figure that part out. Can I put it as I know you can'

On the Day where the LTDL thing happened, I think it was really lame. Stupid Traffic Jams. Whatever. Simple Jots as usual =D 1. I know it wasn't the truth. Why ? Because I know I don't deserve it and I don't want you to lie too =) 2. Mr Lim had said something. Choice ? Haha, I don't think there were any choices to make, yet. I had already out cast them. Just for the sake of doing it. 3. SO, you really did listen to my advice. Good for you. No persuasion needed too. As for the honey as well as goose bumps, you said you will try to reduce it. Please, Don't try. 4. I found out who Naqib really is. ==. You win. 5. Oh please, I wish I don't have to know it. =D I want to buy ToTo. I am so sorry if I appeared when you didn't want me too. Haha! 6. Of course, Ed. I told WP about the stupid thing we did, typing 10.00 to 10.30 as the clock ticks. Haha!. Thanks. Sorry, because I was using you as a distraction for the moment. You wouldn't know of course.

It's been a few days and I am back here again. It's shit, allow me to announce this great news : 11 days before Exam. WTH. The "Miao Hui" was fun last Saturday. I walked for at least 4 hours over there, completing every route there is and in order to go back to Butterworth, I had to walk to the Jetty in Penang, and take the Ferry back. I enjoyed it although it was still the same as the year before, as this year, I had a camera and took some awesome pictures with my brother, it's rare of him to even take a nice picture, and I really like the one where we were posing in front of the Dragon head. I met the Street Art Artist, thought of taking a photo with him, but it was really really to pack to even go to him. I gave up the idea instantly. I didn't see Lim Guan Eng this year too, hope to see him next year. Definitely make it there next year. I would love to go with my friends, but I am afraid that isn't possible as one of the reason is you have got to WALK

Chinese New Year is considered over in my house. All of them went back including grandma. She followed my aunt back to KL just to stop her from worrying about her old house in Jelutung. Now, the house is finally empty again, and the TV will be back to its state  as disitar. Whatever, I don't care about the TV. It wouldn't make much difference anyway. Back to school tomorrow. T.T This is tragic. I hate school now, when I am 17. Yes, one year older close friend, you got your way. Grandma's birthday was yesterday, and I really do wish for her heath and GOOD MEMORY. Her memory is really going downhill and worse. She couldn't even remembered whose Daughter am I. Anyway. here goes the usual.. 1. I have a really really strong feeling that my friend is trying to avoid something which practically couldn't be avoided at all. I think that's ok, but really, I think they should just give her a rest or something, i can predict a sudden eruption in my friend, although I

I recapped. Yes, I am sorry I did. I was trying to leave it, but I didn't. It was all very easy to get over everything. Very Easy, but he still hit the real point anyway. Damn it. I don't think I mind really much because hadn't it been this way all this while? You said you're trying to protect me.Thanks, I know and I appreciate it. ( it sometimes even curb away the bad feelings. =D ) However, it won't change a thing. Never, until the time when it's simply all over and out of it. You said it was all very simple, no crosses, no chains. You said my eyes couldn't be right all the time. Let me just remind you, it's just isn't possible that all the eyes in the world are all wrong. I don't know how you know , I don't really want to know. It's all just my fault . I am sorry. I suppose it had added to your burden. I don't want it to be like this for you. I hate myself being like this to you. One more thing, you don't have to even us

Dixon and Cindy left for Ipoh today. So it’s just left with us all, the Carnivores. Haha! I had finished Vampire Diaries Season 1. Really, are there always Werewolves when there are Vampires ?  Yeah, Damon loved Katherine, and I think he knows he had fallen for Elena. Whatever, why does Stefan have to be so easily influenced and gets jealous ? == The other's are leaving tomorrow, left with Pin's. Haha. The fun will soon be over.  I found a picture. One that I had almost forgotten. It was,  I don’t know how to say, weird because we were standing together, not even a war erupted when I thought back.  I wonder how had it happen so smoothly. You won’t know which picture anyway, you don’t have to worry, I was just reminiscing.  It wouldn't even matter =)

11 th FEB 2013 Chor Ngee =) I went back to Balik Pulau. I got double Ang Paus as New Year always reminded them of my Birthday. =)  I wore something like a frock in the form of a skirt, and a white T-shirt. It was all very plain today and I love it. Kelwin was obsessed with my accessories, my necklace, my bracelet, anklet from Taiwan, my Henna Art XD He kept touching it , I would have slapped him if he wasn’t my best cousin from my maternal side. Ed just told me that we had around 75 text messages, which was quite surprising as I didn’t think it was that much. Speaking of texting, Hell Kaiser is getting on my nerves, He is to me what Vetagen is to me now. He do better stop before I really hate him. After dinner, I had a fun time with my cousins, playing fire crackers and the sizzling one plus Dinosaur Eggs  ( They even threw it on top and we had to run for our lives , they even put it in the exhaust pipe of my father’s old car. ==) No Pop-Pop of course. I don’t care if pl

10th FEB 2013 Chor Yee =) I changed into the a simple Red T-shirt and white shorts. All of my relatives reached my house for the new year, except for one in Switzerland and One in New Zealand.   My birthday present from my dad reached today. HENNA , mine cost RM 25. I took a picture of it too =D My friend commented on my very-casual attire on New Year. I don’t have dresses, sorry, and He’s annoyed by the fact that I don’t have one. I don’t really wear dresses, haha! Though I would have love too. I'm halfway through Season 1 of Vampire Diaries. Damon is really pitiful. Which in such ways that  Damon is really more realistic, reliable, stable. Stefan is just dead-good-puppy-guy, which is why I couldn't really feel any empathy on him. I can’t help it, Vampire Diaries is sort of COOL. XD I see you in Damon Salvatore ,my friend. Haha! I really think I was good in understanding you ,quite well as in this case. It was a permit so that people won’t get awkward. Wasn'