.The Reverse

Start : 29 APR 2010-12 End : 17 DEC 2010. 11:45 pm. THE END. " You were my PRINCE … not once…but twice… But no matter how many times you were mine, i will never be your Princess…. Thanks for your memory and your permission for me to have your key to your heart before this tale ends… " "You know I will never stop you when you ask…and I never did…right?"

HE will be gone by 28 th . HE made a mistake with the date on the air tickets. That's one day less...and today evening, he will be attending a camp. It's until 26 th . 5 precious days gone...puff...and nothing. I can't bear that. I tried my best to hide my sadness. When he texted me just now, i kept inserting the " haha " into my text. HE said he missed me. I missed him too. I miss him to the core of my heart... "When you leave, you are free to choose your own path...don't force yourself because of me..." "Yes, but for now, i am clearly aware of my choice..." "Did you like anybody before?" "Yes..." "Yeah, I know...her first, then her..." "Who's the first?" "xxx" "No...not her...but the second..." "Yeah, i Know..." "I never like her...she just sort of gave me a favourable impression" " Owh ..." "I don't really know the difference between a...

13 DEC 2010 It was just another day, another phonecall from him, another 30 minutes talk, but this time it's him who wanted to call , on his own account… .•°*"˜˜"*°•. ♥ ღ Ϡ₡ ღღ Ϡ₡ ღ ♥ .•°*"˜˜"*°•. "Hello" " What's Up?" " Nothing." "So?" "Just wanted to hear your voice." I didn't know he would want to…it used to be only me… .•°*"˜˜"*°•. ♥ ღ Ϡ₡ ღღ Ϡ₡ ღ ♥ .•°*"˜˜"*°•. "Say those 3 words…please…" "No…" "Please… "No…" "Fine…" I don't believe it…I just asked him… .•°*"˜˜"*°•. ♥ ღ Ϡ₡ ღღ Ϡ₡ ღ ♥ .•°*"˜˜"*°•. "I should have quit Kawad…" "Why?" "I am the only chinese willing to stay…" "Yeah, quite dumb." " Yeah, I shouldn't have enter…" " and I shouldn't have enroled in this school…" "… … " I admit I don't really like the sound of that… .•°*"...

11 DEC 2010 " Ra-Pun-Zel!!!!" I woke with a start, with my heart rate rising, when I heard my dad calling me to wake up. I was aware that this was the second alarm I had received, my mum had knocked furiously on my door. I was still thick with sleep, but the dream kept replaying in my mind. Gosh, it's weird. The dream was not the so called" nightmare", yet, it still has it's tension concealed in my character. There were 2 parts in the dream, 2 episodes I think. Grandma was in it, but her role was not really important, she just sat there day-dreaming. I doubt she could hear all the happenings in the house, and my schoolmate, Ping-Ping. It wasn't logical, but I cannot denied that she was in it. It was noon, and I was studying in the living room. Grandma, day-dreaming, and Foo on he other hand, in the kitchen. Cooking I supposed. I wasn't aware of anything until the sound of the gates aroused me. Somebody was opening the gate. And in came him. It ...

4 DEC 2010. It wasn't the right mood at all. The stupor stayed with me all day even though I gained a victory. This victory had meant two things to me. First, I managed to get the first place by winning thrice in a row… Second, It means I have to end the "texting carrier" since I started it in mid-Nov. It was 9 in the morning, I felt gloomy although the sun was smilling to me. I have no attempt to smile, instead, I sighed and moaned. My stupor grew wilder when an unexpected phonecall came. "xxx cannot attend the competition." I was like…."WHAT??!!!" One of my junior's sister had phoned me to inform about this, and so I have another reason for feeling down and worst than before. Once reaching the venue, I grabed my phone and started texting him. I told him that today will be the last day where I can still text him freely without the risk of getting grounded by my parents. I tried to tell him that he can message me everday if he wants to or, I wont ...

Life was beginning to grow bored when little specks of colour had began to fade of from my life. I had tried my very best to prevent the biggest speck of amomg all of them from turning a total white. I had thought about it and I still think the colour for you is blue. Blue reminds me of your quote, the blue sea. Blue reminds me of comparing you with water, u are strong and yet, soft. Now, enough with colours. I cannot convince myself that although you are near to me and yet still too far for me to reach, I could not find any relevant reason for my choice for choosing you until this moment.. Yesterday was 30 th of NOV 2010. You had manage to breeze through Moral and had just enough time for me to bait your answer. I was given the authority to start a new topic for a chat. And so I made up my mind it is time for me to fish out our answer personally. "Why am I your chosen one?" As always, I would ask him any question in a staright forward manner. I hate suspense and I do not li...

I finished a novel…The Prisoner of Zenda. I didn't plan to read it, to be truthful, I read it accidentally because I don't know it's the novel for Penang state. ╭(╯^╰)╮. It's a love story, that's why I read it till the end without bothering to check it. Rudolf and Flavia always… of course, Flavia never love the King of Ruritania, she fell in love with Rudolf without knowing he is not the real king, but a fake king who was committed to replace The Real King temporarily. But there is one part that I don't understand about Rudolf, why he doesn't want to beg her to marry him if they were both madly in love, instead he left Flavia in order to fulfill her wish about ruling the country. Was it because he cannot bear the fact that he is nothing but an English Man? And why couldn't he visit Flavia once a year? He didn't even wanted to visit Stresaul just to even meet her. I just don't get it… As a result of my debate title, I ended up reading about Romeo ...

My same old day where I always dream about him no matter where I am. This time I am at home thinking about him. The SPM had already started and I guess the time had really come. I mean...Yeah… SPM is the deadline. As before, the temper came. I was obviously in a bad mood when I was discussing my debate. I was like ordering my members to obey and finish the work. It turned out ok. The script was done, the questions were quite ok. Overall, it is still done before the deadline. =) But I have something on mind; I have to compromise with him. I sent him a good luck at about 1 in the afternoon, I guessed he just finished his first BM paper, I was surprised to find that he replied me after 12 seconds. That was really fast, faster than before. Normally I would dread about it, doing something else to distract me from the awful waiting and loneliness . Before that, I would have started thinking that he doesn't care about me anymore, and after that I would regretted for thinking about this a...

Utcut-ing.... I am very grateful to Xiu-2 who brought up this word. The best ever word to describe a feeling that i don't even know how to explain, a word that shows how desperate and frustrating i am, a word that reveals how much i miss him, a word that had convinced myself that i still have hope, a word that conceals the deepest emotion i ever hold in myself for him... What a day it was, having to bear all those missing and frustrating. Missing was always my choice of word when it has to be about him, not even the word love made it to the list. I mean love is powerful, but missing is kind of mysterious, it holds some kind of charm, a kind off word that gives me hope. Hope. I am always hopping, in fact, i never stop hoping. I was wondering why i needed hope so badly, could it be possible that one day, i will no longer need hope to carry on what is left behind by him for me? Even hoping for his messages had become a daily habit, even when it means i have to be grounded by my paren...

I just wanted to say i don't feel like doing anything at the moment except feeding my blog with all kinds of emotions i had been carrying all day... First of all...i certainly miss him alot. Its like a thousand miles away from his house...but to me it's worst..i just can;t understand the feeling i am having for him. Having the presence of utcut-ness was likely, and the snapping came as usual eventhough i did promise to myself not to. I avoided the sulking part, but that did not stop me from feeling unbearable. I tried not to cry because i know tears won;t change anything . i know he is still out there...but i just need to see him. I need to see him now... But everything from me for him is always a no, except missing him . I wanted him with me forever...its a no. I wanted to see him...it's a no. I wanted to speak to him in person...it's a no yet again. i thought i would be able to pull myself together today ( only today...) but NO! Mum suddenly brought up the ...

My first Saturday of my holidays. The first thing i did when i was awake was to check my phone. =( ... "ok....nt yet..maybe it's later..." i was sort of dissapointed..i do thought he will give me a message or a call to wish me luck...but i haven't got it. I was so use to him bidding me a "wish you luck" before i have to attend any competition or occasion...i felt like i was about to shout when i didn't get a thing. By 8.30...still no sign..instead the saukerl came..ok...he wished me luck too..but i don;t want his...i wanted HIS ... The spell didn't break . It's 9.00..URGH!! frustrating!~why can't i even get to see his text. It's bad enough to not being able to talk to him...not to see him..worst...not to be able to see him to cure my "me missing him".it was so frustrating that i was almost sure that the hole i was fretting about was going to form ...the hole that won't heal if it forms... 12.30..i was almost planning to snap...

Here I am~~spilling out my secrets ... i relly miss him alot...even one day makes a difference...i do got my chance of talking to him last Tuesday...and i was wondering...singing always seem to be the last topic before his phone was out of credit...i can't believe that a person likes him like singing so much... he texted me today...finally....I MISS YOU!!! oh well, you do know how many days ..its 4 days...hmm...thats weird...normally it took you a week to top up...and the truth was finally reveal when u say...u BORROWED... i was wondering if your absence will break me...if a hole will form in me...i wanted you badly...yet i can;t seem to have you..i have no right.You are the only thing that has ever make me fall over...i can;t stop thinking about you...once you stop finding me...i will always be restless...i admit i am too selfish to let you go... i can't believe i actually accepted you...i never regretted the choice...i met you last year...can't believe it myself when i do...

15 NOV 2010___My Last Day of Form 2 Life in SMKSB /2010...=) well~~it ended juz as it started, alot of things had happened, i noticed i was able to handle a few weird friends normally....especially this year... arguments that are supposed to be avoided found me and i had managed to face it... i changed interms of my emotions...i seem to be easily frustrated...depressing...i can be extremely out of mind when i am relly happy about sumthing..especially when it's about Him~ And of course..the last day wasn't complete whithout the presence of him...but his's charms will always be with me...i will never forget... the fact that that he was part of my life will never be forgotten..even if you change...even if you decided to say goodbye...i will always be there to listen to your last words for me... 2010_ Goodbye to you~Goodbye to HIM, he had made my life become so memorable and precious... 2011_ I will wait for you...I only wished you will never forget ...i wished i will still be ...

i haven't thought about you leaving me... it isn;t worth my pain to waste my time thinking about you leaving... i waited patiently for the last 7 days...Ah...finally you do text me...again... that was a relief...a relief that was enough to brighten up my day...not to mention that my house had an electricity break out last night...@_@! We were discussing about our memories... our first conversation...our last conversation...and of course..when did the tale started... i wasn't surprise that you got all the answers wrong..because normally i was the only one who always turn back the pages of these memories... you asked me again why i decided to accept you...you don;t want to hear my old answer about the blue sea...(to be frank...it was you who thought me how to answer this kind of question...) so i just answer you truthfully that it all started when i do talked to you for the first time (its not what we call at first sight...no..its different...) so you pulled me into your world......

第三天了。。。有点想念他。。。不。。。是非常想念他。。。 那些它发送的信息。。。啊， 我尽然没发现里头的意义。。。简称“我并没有去留意。。。” 可前天，我突然打开那封信息，依照那指示，一一把每一个号码给删除掉。 结果。。。那信息带给我的竟是满满的惊喜！！！ 满满的惊喜！！！！！ 呵呵，结果呢，我每一天竟然要按出那个图案，至少也要一次我才甘心。。。我怎样都想都想不到你是怎么把那些标点符号摆成那意想不到的图案。。 每次按出来后的心情，还是跟第一次的心情一样，我真的很喜欢那信息。。。 原以为你想摆的图案是天空中的 星星 。。可我最后发现你摆的是 星“心” 啊。。。 星“心” 。。。 我现在还是在欣赏着那图片。。真的太美了。。。你说你花了整个下午去弄它。。。恩，我百分百的相信。。。这绝对是独一无二的。。。本想转发给朋友，可是后来想了想，觉得没有必要。。。就让那信息永远都是我的。。。 哈哈。。。不过还是有把它发送给一位朋友，不过那只是图案。。我并没有把真个摆设给发送出去。。因为那是你的。。你是那封信息的原创者。。。 有个念头想把它打在这里分享，可是怎样打都打不到。我弄不到那效果。。呵呵。。。 或许。。。我本来就不需要打上去。。。因为你们应该也会看到。。。哈哈！！ 那信息。。我不懂。。。或许真的是给我的。。。我接受。。。真的很开心。。。 不过要是你想要在另一个时期把它送给另一个人。。。我不会介意。。。唔，不必向我禀告。。。 因为我有你那封信已经很满足了。。。成为第一个收到你那独一无二的作品。。。我，真的很满足。。。 谢谢你把那信息送给了我。。。

It wasn;t relly a joke actually...lol but still it made me laugh... you asked me when is my birthday... i asked you to guess...i gave you the month... your first guess _14 FEB...i said no... you asked wether its an odd number or an even number... i said its an odd... you answered 7...ok..almost... so i juz say...7+2...(here's the best part....) your answer___11.... O.....M.....G................@_@!!!~shocking ~ what happened to your maths??? 7+2= 11 ?? ! !! anyway...i don't mind...haha... i found it amusing... you brightened my day...^^~ i love it... i love you...haha!!

Today, it’s a relly bad day for me...i can’t see him..again...T_T...he didn't even msg me...i asked him to...but yet...no... i can't help feeling hopeless…i kept waiting ...but in the end..its a dissapointment... I have always said ...if you relly want to stop ...you have to at least tell me....but I think you planed not to tell me…you wanted it to be a mystery to me… I don’t like this kind of surprise… I received a msg juz now..i thought it was you…but It wasn’t...why can’t it be you...you never know how would i feel...you never knew why I wanted you to msg me everyday...its because I wanted to know you are real... I wanted to make sure you are not a fairytale... You broked your first promise...you promised you will make our time happier...but I think it’s no longer a promise anymore...I think i can predict the fate of your second promise...you will be an empty seat soon… can't you even tell the difference between wat you want and wat i want? if you think its not necessary...

Everynight...i do thought of you... you are the last star that i counted... feeling so down whenever i failed to see you... it's the third day now...when can i ever see you? wondering if those words were true... the hints..your handwritting...was it relly me? i don;t care if it is sumone else... as long as i can see you...think of you... i am happy... I can't help feeling so lonely... yet again...the reason is you... everyday...i am always waiting for those goodbye words... i am sure one day you will do so... i am sorry that this is wat i relly think of you... you can never let me feel secure ... Because I was never meant to be for you... You were asking me if I was jealous that day again... I will now say...you will never catch me being jealous... I won't ask for my story to be like cinderella’s... I wish to dream to be like cinderella for once...

i felt really desperate... i never had the chance to see him 2day.. now i felt even more desperate...because i wasn;t sure if i saw him 2day... wished he had appear in front of me ... so that i don;t have to guess... Had the most interesting "debate" with ++...LOL hope she enjoyed herself... i think she should try "debating" wit sumone else...a guy actually... i would love to see the fireworks between the 2 of them...because “适当的辩论可以增进彼此之间的感情”hahaha!!! hope she doesn;t freak out if she sees this..LOL... exam starts on the 1st of NOV... have to start revising if i want to keep conquering sumone..LOL... even if it means only 1 mark...enough to make him jump in anger... love to see it...pity?? yeah i felt pity because it should be more than 1 mark...~V^^V~ i think tat's all for 2day's post... actually i don;t even know wat to write today... i am feeling uncertain...

如果要将我对你的感情放一个期限 那将会是比永远多一天... 如果爱一个人需要付出 我愿意牺牲... 如果这辈子只能做一件事 我会选择爱你... 如果时间可以倒流 我希望早点爱你... 如果一生只能爱一个人 那个人会是你... 某某某 笔 2010年10月18日