.The Reverse

Dixon and Cindy left for Ipoh today. So it’s just left with us all, the Carnivores. Haha! I had finished Vampire Diaries Season 1. Really, are there always Werewolves when there are Vampires ?  Yeah, Damon loved Katherine, and I think he knows he had fallen for Elena. Whatever, why does Stefan have to be so easily influenced and gets jealous ? == The other's are leaving tomorrow, left with Pin's. Haha. The fun will soon be over.  I found a picture. One that I had almost forgotten. It was,  I don’t know how to say, weird because we were standing together, not even a war erupted when I thought back.  I wonder how had it happen so smoothly. You won’t know which picture anyway, you don’t have to worry, I was just reminiscing.  It wouldn't even matter =)

Yes. It really does. It's so damn. When it happen, something shuts off inside me. When I'm choking, why are you even OK ?

Yes. I am so disappointed with you. I never know that I would one day. Now that it did. I could 't seem to express it very well. It's like you had changed, which was in my expectation. I can't accept all your excuses every time any more. I change when people change. You suddenly change your track and I can't tail along. I used to, but now I can't any more. I follow my heart, I believe in them. I truly do. I can't say all the good things any more. I am really sorry. I tried but I can't. I can't lie in order to lie when it's you. I am sure you would understand, it's just that maybe you never give a second thought about it. You just simply babble out and never care any more. I didn't stand up for myself because I didn't want to argue because I know it would if I had. I was trying to pace up with you, but it turns out that I was too slow and too late to begin. I was trying to ignore that what you said or did had deeply changed my percepti...

Be like the flowing river, Silent in the night. Be not afraid of the dark. If there are stars in the sky, reflect them back. If there are clouds in the sky,  Remember, clouds, like the river, are water, So, gladly reflect them too, In your own tranquil depths.                          Manuel Bandeira Sort of What I really did, when I saw what I never wanted to see. Just, no hat. Dear close friend,  I really haven't been in the least unhappy about you sharing your problems with me, but a habit has started to grow in me. I just hope you know and understand that I wasn't avoiding you. I tend to ignore everything that's happening. I hate lazing there and doing nothing to stop all that ridiculous pain growing inside me. I would rather do loads and loads of things, busy my mind with unnecessary stuff, blur you away from my tracks of attention, mute everything that brings my m...

By the way, I have made up my mind. 2 is 2. I shouldn't make it into 3.

23.01.13 Today is Edward's birthday. I had forgotten all about it till when I wrote an announcement for choir. The date really reminded me about him. Yeah, I never forget. At first i thought of sending him a text, but i changed my mind in the end anyway, facebook is more appropriate at this level. Today was idle. Like the reaped cane fields =D I had enjoy today. No hard feelings at all, plus the booster smile from Pacak, TWICE! XD Euphoric. Just that there are still something not fitting in. 1. Why does IQ 200 seem to always guess correctly at everything. I lied at first, but then i decided that there wasn't anything bad. If people can tell it out from the first answer, it means you no longer have to lie. 2. I had been avoiding. I feel guilty. Yeah, I lied to Hazard. As usual of course. I don't really care if he knew. It wouldn't make a difference. He has other things to mind with and settle, which I am sure is already settled. If only he che...

It's intimidating. I know. Who would have thought that I would live up till now to listen to those comments? I didn't choose for it to happen, fate it is. So, while doing my school work without really knowing what I am doing actually, I came to a certain sense that maybe that's why I couldn't resist the pull, and by putting me through it, I will gain the immunity. Sooner or later. I don't really care if people think I am really the breaker or something, (Obviously, I can't think of another word yet ). I have ended up being like this since last year, and now the only thing that I have decided is to really tell my close friend about it. It's too important that I should. Not because I know it wouldn't change his mind or just anything, but because I do not need a rupture between us. It's stupid. I know. To go on and on about this matter with him really makes him frustrated. Nothing shown on the face, but I can feel it, who asked me to be the on...

" I will never be yours, and you will never be mine; nevertheless, I can honestly say: I love you, I love you, I love you. " -Paulo Coelho, Aleph              There's one more thing that's right about what Paulo had shared : Suffering comes from desire , not from pain.

I really want to blame that dream for opening up the secret mess in me that I have  Though, of course it's an excuse. It's like you have got the permission to go for it, but then you stop, because your instincts tell you that you shouldn't. You know you are out of  the scale. Whatever. Just Uninvited.  I do give it all up, If only I could.  Would you break me if I asked you to ?

Today's abit different. Quite nice actually. =) 1. I started my day with stomach ache. Seriously, this is the 2nd time since January till now. I don't know the reason of these achings and it freaks me out. 2. Mr Tan asked me to present on 31st again. I have got to think about how to apologize to the listeners on that day and ask them to bear with my voice for a while, I can't seem to say NO to Tan Gim Seng. After all, it wasn't anything bad. 3. LKL came out with a new scandal. Not very new, but still fresh. Seriously not Suman, and my friend kept calling out Naqib's name, just that I never wanted to know who he is. It's just to difficult to act normal once you know, especially when I am a lousy actor. 4. Seriously, there wasn't anything wrong if I chat and laugh with IQ 200. We were friends, and we are friends. I wasn't thinking about what had happen last year, though I am not sure if he is. I think he isn't. This case wasn't that bad, a...

I don't know what would happen if those whimpers reach my close friend. That do be a little dangerous, he's quite a killer. Though i hope he's just acting. Anyway, it wasn't much. A summary of my few months story, quite simple actually, but I took 2 period to present it. Presented. I wasn't sure if I wanted her to know either, but she's the only one that's safe for me to express my agony, as she always had been. Thanks. I was predicting what would come out of it if my close friend suddenly confronted this case. Though it wouldn't more or less matter much to him. It would be just another cracking joke or something unimportant. Which was of course, what I am always prepared for. Yes. It somehow matters so much to me about the fact  that everything sort of re-spilled because of that dream. Jots: 1. Pacak's handsome as always. The antidote. 2. I don't think I want to know who Naqib guy is. 3. Act yourself.

11.22pm I don't think I would ever be able to forget about it, forever. Scattering around. I wasn't suppose to have time for blogging, but somehow, I must. I don't think I would be able to neglect it, for the moment.  There are always some things that were astonishing, alluring, stunning, sweet, addictive, to write about. I tried to cling on to it, really tried.   I don't know why I got that dream. This one was just simply heartbreaking. Though it doesn't seem to be if you are the one having that dream.  You do be euphoric. Simply because of a simple person. It was just too short, just 5 minutes when I laze back on my bed this morning after my alarm rang. It was A Night in a Dream of a Night. He was trying to offer the only blanket in that room. I was worried that he wouldn't be able to rest well. Something important is up for him tomorrow. He thrust it back at me and just snooze of. Now, I know I ...

Today wasn't even New Year's Eve, and way way past my Lunar Birthday. I assumed it was the late Christmas Present, and Today, was the day I felt truly relieved. I just felt Relieved. After ages. The Best 30 minutes. The Best Practice. The Best Sarcasm. The Good Talk. The Best Talk. For once, I felt really glad that things hadn't gone complicated after all, and turned out better than I thought. Just felt like hugging somebody. =D Thanks Hazard. HAHA!

I wonder if there would be any improvement over the mess that I have encounter by next week. I do not wish to continue ignoring.  

My cousins from KL are here. All Boys. All the big sizes but then it's better than nothing. I'm going to get fat again after dropping from 45.5 to 44.7. Sorry, my Body. =D # It was obviously so damn accurate after what I asked from God to make my choice. It was practically shown, and like what I had asked for as a sign,  by this week . So, should I carry on or what ?  P/S : Anyway, just so glad, it started with an aloha. Ice cracked. =) # I was imagining the past. Haha! It was my very first Joke with Hazard if I was correct.    Ice. I remembered it looked like a galaxy.   I was wondering how many first are there, but everything was so funny and childish, seeing the point that I was the main reason behind the laughter. Anyway, I have decided on another thing. Great. Act Free.

My mode was at first happy. Just Simply. Happy. I realise that my brother trusted me. He told me that he like a girl in his school but gave up as his friend was a step ahead from him. Though I admit, I would have done exactly the same thing, but I am different. he's the guy. So, I just told him that in future, don't you dare give up just like that unless that girl is completely hopeless. I guess he just brought in the issue by asking me if i have ever like anybody. I have. Sorry to say that. He asked me to tell him, due to some reasons, i told him i like Pacak. Well, honestly, I do. I am still crazy about him though it was just seeing him through his facebook timeline. I just went out to the Padang today when I saw Pradip playing football, they were always one Gang, well, Not always, sometimes =) Jots : I was excited. I was determined to be oblivion. ( love this word ) I was asking myself to be grateful. I entrusted myself with a will where I would be the one who would leav...

Thanks to Everything, I know what to do. It feels great, much much better to even hide it =) Love you all. PS : I don't think I will be able to make it in time, anyway.. To my dearest toothbrush, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! BE HAPPY AS HAPPY FOREVER!! Love you. Yours Sincerely, Toothpaste.

Becoming more and more foolish to even think about it. I can't help thinking that way. THAT WAY. OK, how much have I change? How much did he change? No, that doesn't matter, he doesn't matter. No, the problem should be me. ME. REALLY, WHAT AM I THINKING??!! Even Tumblr shows me my fate. I can't be that silly to even think about the possibility of it. I really should have the mind set. HE REALLY IS TOYING YOUR FEELINGS. Crap. Anyway, WALLS, invisible solid walls that I do build up within me for the last 1 month ? I can't just break it down as I please, it builds up as it please. To share it makes it worst. I don't want complicated things to mushroom. I don't need any misunderstandings within my friends, not even misinterpretation between him. Even those feelings that I shouldn't even have, not just any feelings, Argh.(Great, now I am back to that old girl again.) No, I should not be having it, currently. I know really well that this is  my weaknes...

I don't know what am I up to these days. These few weeks. I have been hiding all the time. Somebody knows what is really happening to me. I didn't really explain much to her.It's abit complicated, but she understands.So, i take it for granted that she's my adviser, asking me slow down, don't panic. There were so many predictions to make, but some didn't really turn out to be true. I wonder if i dwelled on it too much. I have tried my best to force myself out of that impossible dream, impossible outcome. It won't happen. but, what if it does? no way, just snap out of it. It doesn't belong to you.