.The Reverse

It's been 10 days since school reopen. My Form 5 life had started. Just some simple jots for now. 1. I have decided to drop Chinese for SPM. However, Dad had said I have to be serious for Chinese in every school tests. 2. Teachers. Intan for English, Zaiton for BM, Saturated teacher for Maths ( I can't remember her name, too many Zuu.. and Ju...), Juhaila for Biology. Others are the same. Now, I know that you can actually take 3 days to complete 4 points in a summary. ==ll 3. Miss Edna appointed me as Conductor, Fish as AssistantConductor. Honestly, this wasn't what WP and I had expected. Plus, I was elected by Joanna as Ketua Disiplin of St John.Completely blur all the way. @@. I will try my best anyway. 4. Pacak's back. He's really back. I still go crazy every time. Can' help it. XD 5. I still don't really know who that Naqib is. and, Today, Chee Tat had asked me if I had taken on CL. Seriously no, it sort of subsided, and he was just simply some...

My trip to Taiwan was quite interesting actually. 10 degrees. <3 <3. Though its abit cold. I bought myself some accessories and a few shirts. Over there, I am Angkor Wad "assistant" when he trained. I have to make his wolf thing appear. haha. 6th Feb Reach Penang Airport. Dad couldn't recognize me. XD. Went for dinner and Told mum that I no longer have feelings for him. 7th Feb Received a message from him. He said he wants to "break up". I just replied ok. Back to school LOADS of homework. Choir practices and Account tuition.Money dividing and studies to catch up. 8th Feb Broke few records. Had lunch with Angkor Wad. Borrowed five ringgit from him. Sent out gifts together. Urgh. Pacak's no longer available. T.T 9th Feb My birthday. First birthday wish at 12am from WP. MUACKZ! Second from L. and 3rd from Fish at school. <3. Gift from Fish. Lovely =) LIKE IT! Abit disappointing that Edward did not...

Currently using my cousin sister's net book to type, I am using this opportunity before all those male cousins of mine start nosing in to the room for tetris battle. It was quite a fun new year this year, though i had to complete my homework. The stupid SEJ and Maths, wahaha!! COMPLETED. I got many ang paus this year, due to my birthday and also my trip to Taiwan, and my PMR results. I am trying to avoid people knowing I am going there, seems embarrass to tell them. > <. Taking ang pau was fun and funny, we lined up wishing grandma. Taking family pictures and my lovely cousin from NZ. By the way, I am allowed to colour my nails. Yeepy!! I finally saw my baby cousin from KL. Alright it's the best!!! He never stop laughing and screaming,   I told WP that he's practicing his vocal, A good soprano. HoHo. But he can be really nasty when he's angry and frustrated. He can play with handkerchiefs for almost 10 minutes.== There were no fire cr...

Wow, I miss my blog. I miss everything here. I haven't been able to sleep well the last few days. Having stress, dad was extremely worried about my condition, because i kept crying, just cry. Cry before i slept, cry when i sleep, and cry again when i woke up. I talked about it to my teacher, but It didn't really help much. So, I told one of my seniors, and she said i should tell my coach. I was thinking how to tell, he would be mad because i am telling him, only now. But i didn't have to, because today,though we had a little competition, i had no full sets of questions and scripts, but the atmosphere seem to change a little, I wonder if my senior told my coach about me, Apparently she did, and my coach sort of brainwashed me, so I decided to try not to fret anymore. My tuition had started, chemistry, physics, maths, and Biology tomorrow. Chemistry was fun, but it was really really pack, I don;t know how many students are there actually, and we had to go there an hour earl...

1st Jan 2012 MY first day of 2012 sucks. I got a message from him in the morning which made me worried so much . but there wasn't even an explanation after that. 2nd Jan 2012 I felt like vomiting when I thought of debate. I really can't stand it any more. > < 3rd Jan 2012 Back to school, finally. I was abit surprise when Pacak was called to recite the prayers, he was suppose to go to another school. Anyway, I wasn't in a really good mood whenever a pass by that place, it made me felt eerie, I used to have a point to pass by, now, I don't really want to, it's because I needed to. I was allocated to 4SC4, guess what, 7 out of 9 of 3A8 2011 Chinese are in the same class, except for Fang2 and Xiu2. M is now my classmate too. As for WP, we have been classmates for 10 years continuously. HoHo. Another treat was, My class is just next to Pacak's. No more staircase. XD, the only thing is, Angkor Wad is my classmate too, and I c...

I am not in bed yet. Waiting for Green farm to load and harvest my crops. I decided to write, I have a feeling that there's going to be no more stalking. I wasn't in the best mood these days. It's been dead for 3 days now, and no pop-up-s. I tried so hard not to lied to myself, tried to find all kinds of reasons which will help me believe that it's just my own problem. But I don;t know how long will this condition last, even one of my close friend knows i am just ...just too selfless. It was such a sharp question : Am I still having feelings for him? I just answered after 2 minutes, yes. But It doesn't seem right, if you have feelings for a person, you don't have to evaluate so many things to get your answer, it should be spontaneous. I do heard so many things, I don't want to listen, but I'm not deaf. My friend asked if i was in a bad mood due to those things, No, I wasn't, I am just frustrated why I wasn't deaf at that moment. I told my ...

It;s been 5 days since I got my result. Dad had had a dilemma on giving me a notebook. So I didn't say much about it, just annoyed. I went to Penang yesterday, the first stop was at my uncle's house. Stephen had finish his SPM, and now, there were 4 loads of books waiting for me in his study room for me to choose, so I grabbed what i wanted and ended with a basket of books. All of them had congratulated me for my great results. I went to my grandmother-in-law's house. She asked me about my results and kept asking me what did my dad give me. I was abit surprise actually, but i didn't answer her. Then i went in to her room, and she gave me 100 bucks. He told me that my cousin, the one who was born on the same day with me, had get herself a Samsung Galaxy phone about 2000bucks, and a notebook, and she wasn't happy with my grandmother for giving her only 100bucks. Her own relatives gave her 1000bucks. No wonder, and that had answered my questions of why my grandmother w...

I got my PMR results. FINALLY!!!!! I had score straight A's, so A notebook in any market is waiting for me, I have to wait. Maybe till Form 5. Maybe Dad will end up saying that IF I score well for SPM then only I will get it. I wonder if he will say that It's going to be really unfair. I was the one of the few who was late to get the results. MG had called me when I was taking my bath. She told me that many hadn't been able to score and A for BM and BC. I was really worried because these 2 subjects are the one that's going to kill me. I reached my school and He Phoned Me. I HADN'T GET MY RESULTS. == Mum had order me to call her instantly no matter what the SLIP show. I walked to Miss Ng, she asked why I was late, I said I am scare of the results. She ask : " Really?" Really. " You don't have to worry la..." So, I scanned the SLIP myself and YEAY!! THE ROW OF A's I was a little shocked when an Indian man seating with his daugh...

I came back from KL yesterday. What a relieved.The 6 days at KL was quite interesting and quite euphoric actually. The first day was a little rush-y. We slept at 11 and woke up at 5 am. 5 people on one 2-person-bed.The competition on 17th was quite ok, but we lost anyway. A Little sad because we had tried so hard to win, but we will keep up the spirit. =) I couldn't remember much details over there, so I will just summarize : 1. IN total. I actually talked to him for one and a half hours. The first call was 1 hour. I didn't know that his voice could be heard, but I didn't care either. My team mates kept coming into the room and peek at me, Angkor Wad had said I had too much credit. Indeed, during that moment. XD AFter the 2nd call, they started questioning me, which made me landed in a load of questions on my way back to Kulim in the bus. I couldn't stand their faces looking at me in such a "scary" way that I decided to let them ask ONLY 5 questions. They ...

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO LEARN THAT ONE SHOULDN'T BE ASKING ANY MORE IF THE OTHER DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. Today was at least better than the last 2 days, more interaction, there was one time where it was nice and just so comfortable that I hope I was still in that position. I wish I had never move an inch from it. It won't happen again. Few words could be use to remind me about today, STEP, KICK, HIT.

I am under stress. No matter how much i wanted to rebut that fact, I realise I can't.From the time I took my bath when I came home from HuiGuan, I wasn't in the mood to talk at all. The practice today just sucks, I wasn't in the right condition. I didn't do my part the way I should. I know maybe it;s just excuses, but i really feel like quitting, for this December. There's so much I wanted to do but I couldn't. I missed talking to my cousin who is a year older than me, but today's mood spoiled the whole thing. Yesterday night, I had been worried. I couldn't actually ask him what's wrong, though I know i shouldn't be asking any more since I won't get the answer either way. I couldn't chat, so I ended up calling my friend, which I had never call before and talked for almost half an hour. Thanks. I am sorry that I sent that lame message to you, it was a mistake, I didn't know I sent it to you. I didn't say hi to you because i ...

I was late for at least 15 minutes. They all shouted at me of course, never mind. ==. They wanted me to hold the key although they knew that I will be late. Practiced my scripts for at least 4 times today, I don't think it's consider ok. Urgh .17th is nearing. For today's lunch,we  ate noodles as Angkor Wat won the scissors-rock and Cloth game with JW. They all gave me their some sort of Fried lard. ==. I bought fried rice for WJ, Julius isn't behaving really well and I couldn't just see WJ eating chicken rice, Again. Thank God, NO HOT SCORCHING SUN. ^^~ Went Back and had 2 rounds of practice, and decided to buy cup-noodle for snack, Angkor Wad didn't want to buy, he kept eyeing mine and WJ's. WTH, and I just wasn't firm enough on not giving him my noodles. I couldn't have any peace while having it either,with his eyes and questions shooting at me, in the end he got the noodles and the soup as well.==. But I realised that I am not in the least influe...

I started my day when my 6am alarm clock rang, i wasn't feeling very well, the running nose and sore throat, maybe a little heat, it made it worse when i just wanted to call him. But I did call anyway, I tried to control my running-voice , but i think it didn't work. During the afternoon, my friends went out for lunch and i stayed at Hui Guan alone, waiting for JW to return with McD for our lunch. Texted him after I finished my lunch. But he didn't reply immediately, i thought that he didn't bring his phone to school. So, i was about to leave my phone alone when it rang. His name appeared on the screen. I left the room as they were still having lunch, and secondly, I can't talk in there. I was really surprised that he called me, and even more surprise of the way he had started the conversation, haha. After about 2minutes, i started to hear his friend's voice, imagine how shock i was when i heard what they say, but i suppose they don't know, only one of his f...

It's been 11 days. 11days. Seems like I managed my mood REALLY REALLY WELL. OK, Quite. ~.~. I feel guilty for taking other people's right .   I don't think I should be going, though i have nothing to worry, because the teacher had asked me to go. Her tone had turned from INVITING to ORDERING.@@~  Yesterday had been a weird night. I chatted with L. I have lots of things to ask and he has lots of things to ask back. I had been busy arranging some debate details. It's really important, Made so many phone calls. After I thought that I had settle everything, I realise I forgot to call him. And, he's already asleep, wth. No choice, messaged him to call me straight away when he wakes up. I watch New Moon for awhile, and went to bed at 1.40. I was unconscious, but really glad that I DID HEAR THE CALL, and asked what I wanted to ask. Slept back, and woke up at about 6, after that stupid dream. I hate that dream. It's just so weird that he had texted me never ...

21st NOVEMBER 2011 ISSUE : OFFICIALLY 2 MONTHS CRACKS : 1 SURPRISES : 2 NOTES : 3 GIFTS : 4 FAVOURITE MOMENTS : 5 ( 19th SEP, 3rd OCT,AGM, NILAM, 18th NOV) PHONE CALLS with MY DAD's : 6 times DIALLED : UNCOUNTABLE PICK UP :  UNCOUNTABLE WEIRD COMMENTS : 2 WISH : Stay Close, for as long as we could.

17th November 2011 Real sad. My folder of songs was deleted by that pen drive. Wth. He told me that he's maths paper wasn't that bad. and tomorrow, he's going to give me surprise. > < 18th November 2011 I went to FuJianHuiGuan at 8. I was late actually, after choosing what to wear. I never choose my attire actually, but since my mum will nag about it, so it's better that i do, and i left with the butterfly pin.I went and had my breakfast before going there.  I was on the alert mode the whole time but i don;t know why. Wished WJ happy birthday and then settled the names of the debaters. CW almost didn't make it, and Angkor Wat, forget it.==. So, i had to ask WJ to be the judge, including myself, though i really really don't think i should be one. Four minutes after i sat at the suppose-to-seat-place,WJ had patted me to tell me something, I ignored her at first, the she patted harder, so I turned around and realized that....the surprise itself had arri...

His exam had started, my debate had started. Holidays are coming, one more day. I hate this Holiday. I am going to hate it. Shit. I had already forgot about Pacak, I couldn't recognise him, couldn't remember about having to catch a glimpse of him. Maybe he's going to be like A. Well, maybe it's good then. After all , his going to leave next year. But I admit padang won't be much fun to look at. XD. Choir practice ended "again". It went well in Alor Setar, minus that that pengarah didn't even look , and the microphone wasn't even on, and we have to stand for almost an hour. == Now that he will be gone for the moment, I have alot of things to think about, plus he isn't going to stalk for almost a month. Shit, I don't care. Bad mood. Erm...alright. The fear is coming back. It's going to be 2 months, nearly. 5 more days. Can't wait. I can't wait to make it sure that it is going to be 2 months after that almost breaking period...

Yesterday was the last day I am going to meet him at school. Unless you count in those days for exams . And because he was absent now, I could finally pin up my hair at the centre, apparently i won't if he's going to be at school. Secondly, I decided not to pass by the area, i need to get use that it's going to happen again, that same sensation and hallucinations, haha. Thirdly, I might as well get going no matter what happens. maybe it won't be that bad. :) Jot : Stress... > <

1) I finally gave him one gift back. One not really good gift, but that's the least i could give if you were to ask a person who doesn't have a taste for choosing gifts like me. I had been thinking for almost one month what to do with those notes though. :) 2 ) I forgot to wish him Good Luck. Damn > < 3) He had said : " The person you want to see is right beside you," Huh? XP

Well, I don't know what to say. Each day gets worse and worse. Debate just really destroyed my mood.Angkor Wat and the 2 other. Damn. Some how, i should have been okay by now, but some part of me seem missing. I could go online almost every night and chatted a while with him, but it doesn't really full fill that unknown part. It's the first time I realize I miss him more than usual. Shit. Weekends and Holidays made it worse. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I was the one who had asked for it and now i should learn to be content with it. It's like something is slipping away. Empty.Greedy.Frustrated. Disoriented. Dull. Grey.Utcut.