.The Reverse

Yes. I was wrong all before. I don't love you. I don't even dream of you. But I like you. Not a crush, but an attraction. Not my future, but my current reality. I am sorry to say, you seem to have a pull for me. No, you aren't handsome at all. But your unmistakable 45 degrees head turn is still there. The shyness, obvious enough. Your friends? I can say they are totally OUT OF THE CURRENT STATUS. And yes, I couldn't forget, your eyes.

Today is a really TERRIBLE DAY FOR ME! First, i really wish i could slap ab and that f* pengawas girl. URGH! What's wrong if my "lencana" is above my pocket? why MUST IT BE ON THE POCKET? Thanks to whoever it is who gave that stupid suggestion. Plus, the Smart Kad thing, " buy from Ko-o manufactured by Badlishah." == Is pengwas a barbie doll for people to see and talk about attires or just to look after the school? The smart kad hanger( i don't know..) is totally useless, not to say that the price is about RM3, but i am just going to use it for another 2 years. What a waste of money! Totally unesccary! Ab, really sorry to tell you i won't be buying from the ko-o, i will just clip it on when i meet you, i really wish that the hanger will become the "stok akhir" for 2011 of Ko-o, and please, FOR HEAVEN SAKE! DON'T ABUSE THE WORD "DIMERIT", PLEASE! > < Secondly, Pacak wasn't in school today. My friends said that he went for...

My mood was abit unstable today. I don't really know why. First, I found a red ant on my bed. I thinked that's the thing that bit me on my left arm. Then, I saw Pacak many times today, but I didn't make any reactions like I used to. During Break, I saw him, I was still ok. But after school ended, I met him at the canteen. I should be happy. But I couldn't even laugh. T_T. He turned and saw me, maybe he was expecting to see my stupid girly reaction ==, but I didn't even turn my head to look at him. Thrice I walked past him, I pretended he didn't exist. Maybe it's because somebody teased me about it. I wasn't angry. Just annoyed by it. And just by feeling annoying makes me feel terrible. What's happening to me?

I caught you looking at me today. Thrice. I was wondering if it was just my hallucination, maybe i was being stupidly euphoric, maybe you were just looking at one of the pretty girls behind me. Yet, thrice I caught you in a row, both of us shifting away our eyes whenever our eyes met. Even my friend told me you stoled a look at me. Honestly, I was shocked at what you did. I felt that old and familiar shyness whenever I see you, it was so obvious today. The only memory i have had of you was just the time when two of us played fraud. I have always wanted to talk to you, just like a normal friend should be. But it's always because of your friends that kept you from doing so. I just wish we could just talk, nothing extreme. When was it that i started to notice you again? P/S: nothing to do with Pacak or A.

I was wondering if he thinks I AM MAD and CRAZY.... wish i was stranger to him....

Cross-country yesterday. I ran alone. And I broke my own record by finishing 5km within 40 minutes. YES! And luckily my stomach ache only happened after the race.( hate it when it happened). SM 526 seems like a nice number. Ha ha. I got 17 after the 15 medalists. So maybe next year, I will aim higher. Anyway, Samsudin didn't get the last place…Thank God for this miracle. BUT SULTAN GOT THE FIRST!!!! DAMN IT!! WHY AM I IN SAM???!!! But still. I felt weird. Been sticking with a handsome girl the whole day yesterday. Details not to be listed here. She will kill me. I know something that I had never known before. I had to plot my question carefully, control my voice, so as not to startle her. (Of course I was given the AUTHORITY to ask.) So , that means I ain't a busy body. But, I felt that I shouldn't have ask. And I wonder if a few of those around her had realized her missing piece. ( Really sorry.) And today. I REALIZED I had become darker. Sigh. Why did that stupid bell ran...

Written on 8 th of April. Yesterday was a very emo day for me. First, the ABRAIN go and shout at us like we are her dogs. I really hate her. She made me want to shout out those rude words back at her. She's not even the person WHO HAS THE RIGHT to shout at us. Just go to hell . And last night, I have to throw my temper in fb to Ping2 about her. I can't even play my erhu, I was scared that I will break my outer string by my anger. And I had fever, I guess it must have been because of the rain or the hot sun on Tuesday. Yi Fang said that I always get fever. Technically, I can be feverish almost everyday, just that they didn't notice. It might also be because I didn't get enough sleep the day before today. I was busy chatting in fb and I was afraid that that person will "break" if I went away, so I stayed in front of the computer until she said she had to go. And my bad mood is also because Mr. LJ told me Pacak knows about me. HE knows my intentions. HE knows ...