.The Reverse

Second post between the last one hour..lol... i was juz answering my hotmail and i found sumone sending me a private message... CARMON VANTASSELL .... (i don't noe wheter is a he...or a she...or both..==!) he's been bugging me for a long time...and the only thing i did was asking who are you... so today he sent yet another private mail to me... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From :Carmon Vantassell Subject: Watsup. Sent: October 27 1:02:33 PM howdy. i was going thru for people like me, and i stumbled upon urp rofile. You seem to be a considerably cool person, although im really inexperienced on this site, and don't know where to go. Can't they have a chatting program ere?? I hate writing messaes to people, & sometimes never receiving anything back! Anyways, if u are interested in chatting with me, you could catch me over @ http://cli.gs/jr1Xvs So, ya, hope to chat with you. always looin' to find more ppl. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~...

I am not the kind of girl, Who should be rudely bargin' in on a white veil occasion, But you are not the kind of boy, Who should be marryin' the wrong girl, I sneak in and see your friends, And her snotty little family, all dressed in pastel, And she is yelling at a bridesmaid, Somewhere back inside a room, Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry, This is surely not what you thought it would be, I loose myself in a daydream, Where I stand and say: "Don't say yes, run away now, I'll meet you when you're out, Of the church at the back door, Don't wait or say a single vow, You need to hear me out," And they said, "Speak now," Fun gestures are exchanged, And the organ starts to play A song that sounds like a death march, And I am hiding in the curtains, It seems I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be, She floats down the isle like a pageant queen, But I know you wish it was me, You wish it was me, don't you? Don't say yes, run away now, I...

It wasn;t relly a joke actually...lol but still it made me laugh... you asked me when is my birthday... i asked you to guess...i gave you the month... your first guess _14 FEB...i said no... you asked wether its an odd number or an even number... i said its an odd... you answered 7...ok..almost... so i juz say...7+2...(here's the best part....) your answer___11.... O.....M.....G................@_@!!!~shocking ~ what happened to your maths??? 7+2= 11 ?? ! !! anyway...i don't mind...haha... i found it amusing... you brightened my day...^^~ i love it... i love you...haha!!

Today, it’s a relly bad day for me...i can’t see him..again...T_T...he didn't even msg me...i asked him to...but yet...no... i can't help feeling hopeless…i kept waiting ...but in the end..its a dissapointment... I have always said ...if you relly want to stop ...you have to at least tell me....but I think you planed not to tell me…you wanted it to be a mystery to me… I don’t like this kind of surprise… I received a msg juz now..i thought it was you…but It wasn’t...why can’t it be you...you never know how would i feel...you never knew why I wanted you to msg me everyday...its because I wanted to know you are real... I wanted to make sure you are not a fairytale... You broked your first promise...you promised you will make our time happier...but I think it’s no longer a promise anymore...I think i can predict the fate of your second promise...you will be an empty seat soon… can't you even tell the difference between wat you want and wat i want? if you think its not necessary...

Everynight...i do thought of you... you are the last star that i counted... feeling so down whenever i failed to see you... it's the third day now...when can i ever see you? wondering if those words were true... the hints..your handwritting...was it relly me? i don;t care if it is sumone else... as long as i can see you...think of you... i am happy... I can't help feeling so lonely... yet again...the reason is you... everyday...i am always waiting for those goodbye words... i am sure one day you will do so... i am sorry that this is wat i relly think of you... you can never let me feel secure ... Because I was never meant to be for you... You were asking me if I was jealous that day again... I will now say...you will never catch me being jealous... I won't ask for my story to be like cinderella’s... I wish to dream to be like cinderella for once...

i felt really desperate... i never had the chance to see him 2day.. now i felt even more desperate...because i wasn;t sure if i saw him 2day... wished he had appear in front of me ... so that i don;t have to guess... Had the most interesting "debate" with ++...LOL hope she enjoyed herself... i think she should try "debating" wit sumone else...a guy actually... i would love to see the fireworks between the 2 of them...because “适当的辩论可以增进彼此之间的感情”hahaha!!! hope she doesn;t freak out if she sees this..LOL... exam starts on the 1st of NOV... have to start revising if i want to keep conquering sumone..LOL... even if it means only 1 mark...enough to make him jump in anger... love to see it...pity?? yeah i felt pity because it should be more than 1 mark...~V^^V~ i think tat's all for 2day's post... actually i don;t even know wat to write today... i am feeling uncertain...

如果要将我对你的感情放一个期限 那将会是比永远多一天... 如果爱一个人需要付出 我愿意牺牲... 如果这辈子只能做一件事 我会选择爱你... 如果时间可以倒流 我希望早点爱你... 如果一生只能爱一个人 那个人会是你... 某某某 笔 2010年10月18日

2day was well...wat to say?? boring plus a little bit of fun? had a st john meeting 2day~~quite ok...at least i wasn't kill by all the "sumbody"... stayed at blok cekal the whole day..i didn't enter the class at all.. missed KH, GEO, and MATHS~~LOL~~from 2.45 to 6.30...with fish..my best friend... talking about our SECRETS..normally gossiping.. exchanging oppinions about sumthing strange yet intresting... a bit sad he didn't cum to school...lazy bone...=P relly wish he had... heard a lot of intresting things today..quite unbelievable actually.... sumthing i knowed and sumthing i never knew before... sumthing about catching fish or wat?? not sure...and about handphone... yeah...they all teased me about sumbody...LOL... hmmm...u asked me if i was jealous... actually.....i am not in the least jealous... i felt glad to know that you kept your promise ... so its ok for me..even if wat they told me is true... i don't care...i am happy with wat i had... ................

I think my secrets are out… My family noes abt it… How?? I think I noe the answer… My mum read my diary I think… Gosh… there are only two ways to read… 1)My brother told my mum my password..bcoz we bought the diaries together 2)I forgot to erase my password..i left the numbers ..shown so clearly on my diary… well...nt bad to noe that my mum noes about it... actually...i told her truthfully wat i feel about him... her lecturing was quite amusing and touching... i told her he is not relly handsome...i don;t hv the pic of coz..LOL... and she said she doesn't care about the look... she cares about that person's behaviour... thats touching...at least she didn't scold me... Actually , eversince i started my secondary life... mum started investigating me...checking me... asking me wether i like anybody or not...haha!! i was wondering if i am not suppose to be in a relationship..and i haven;t had one before... how am i goin to noe if i relly am in a relationship? mum use to tell me...

Thinking about sumone nw... i wonder wat is he doing... ..................................... texting almost everyday... waiting for tat ringing tone in my phone... can;t hide my eagerness...desperation ... patience...patience ....now........... ........................................... wat should i do now while waiting?~

Bintang Kecil was awesome today… Unfortunately…I didn’t take part in anything…no choir this year…sad… I like music theater and puisidra..nice… The part where “little kid” acted was funny…Yous was a great hit too.. Vengades was the cameraman…I hope he din take any stupid pictures of me for his fantasy… Aiman strated the whole show with his quran-reading…hmmm….not bad …. As for pandaguy…he relly is cute…he still had those black circles under his eyes… Battle of the band was relly intresting…pani’s group won…the dance was a hit… F language of 2A8 had abit of an invention of new words… And of course ……..i spoted what I wanted to see 2day… Haha…he was later than me ….hmm…later than usual… Rosanne got pengacara terbaik…same like last year..with her time machine…congratzz…. As for me …i will miss bintang kecil….definitely….

Listening to this song for the first time... a song i juz ran across over youtube..from the carpenters... quite nice and simple... old voice..but i find it's lyrics meaningful... relly wat i wanted to tell....its nice though... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We fell in love On the first night that we met Together We’ve been happy I have very few regrets The ordinary problems Have not been hard to face But lately little changes Have been slowly taking place You’re always finding something Is wrong in what I do But you can’t rearrange my life Because it pleases you (*) you’ve got lo love me For what I am For simply being me Don’t love me For what you intend Or hope that I will be And if you’re only using me To feed your fantasy You’re really not in love So let me go I must be free If what you want Isn’t natural for me I won’t pretend to keep you What I am I have to be The picture of perfection Is only on your mind For all your expectations Love can never be desi...

i wonder if it is because of chapter 13 in twilight... i have been saying that word for more than 5 times today ...at school... all because of my crazy friend...++... i think it was a hint today...a really clear hint... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 10 .10 .10......10 OCT 2010... i will always remember today... i will never forget it... i will remember those words... i was suprised that i didn't deny it this time... i just wanted to say... i love you too...

Talking about memory... i was thinking that maybe you never give me a hint of reality... you gave me a memory... i do known you to be sumone who is quite shy...haha... i noe you more than you do... texting for almost months... i never spoke to you before... you were juz words to me...but i still like it... very much... you never wanted me to be sad or hurt... i understand...but this is wat i had already chosen... you were the stone i chose over the other stones... you are rougher..darker...maybe...not ordinary..but extraordinary ... i am afraid..you will never be a reality.. you will owez be the so-call MY PRECIOUS MEMORY... i will always remember the promise u made to me... i promise i will always remember you...

ok....yesterday i was damn dissapointed... i fail to see him... day before yesterday...the same fate..he is no where to be seen... i know where or which is his class...but i think he changed class due to certain reason or subjects i think... i dare not look to other place.. peeping to other place should be a more suitable word i think... he is keeping me restless for so many days...no news at all... i really hate this kind of suspense... if 2 days is enough to keep me restless..sleepless... wat if it turns from days to months....i do go insane... together with black circles under my eyes.... ok...he told me not to miss him to much... i can;t brace myself...i can;t deny wat is going on with me... i am not lying this time...never... sometimes i come to think of -----LUCK... i don have the luck to see him...instead..i saw all those "disgusting" things... ok...that is sumbody else's things...yuck..WHY? maybe if i do stop fussing about you...maybe it would work... maybe..LUCK ...

OK~~~you admitted about yourself... me too...i admitted about i wat was in myself... i can;t juz let you vanished ...at least there do have to be a warning... i saw you once 2day..at the place i used to see you... i wonder if you did... yesterday you do answer my questions... you said you never noe wat was the reason i stole your heart... i never know too..i can't answer... i said you passed the test long ago...but you seem to be so confident~ you asked me why i wanted to take the risk.. eventhough i do noe wat damage will it do to me... to be truthfull...i nvr thought about the damage part before... i mean..wats there to say if i relly get hurt..i chose my path... and i have to pay the price...seeing you leaving me... while i stand by your side...nvr able to stop you... owh.......i can;t do that alone...i think i need sumone... somone who will hold me when i have to face it... i don;t know why is the sea blue...but...i do know it will always be blue...

10 at night yesterday... i do thought of nothing...except messaging to you... i wanted to noe hw's your day yesterday... but the whole conversation turned out to be sumting like... a BYE-BYE conversation?~ i hated yesterday's chat... i nvr wanted tis to end... it's nt fair for me to miss you... but it makes me worst if i do stop missing you... you can't force me... time will be the key... juz tat...i won't be able to noe...hw many times... do i hv to fall before i can be strong... i was finally able to be truthful with myself once...to be truthful with you... was it true you wanted to say goodbye...yesterday? i nvr thought of that before... you made a promise...you said i will owez be in your mind... i have your word...but i gave you my word... that you are allow to break that promise... i will nvr ever force you to remember me... i realized tat the love story you told me ... relly was becoming sumtin to me... the girl wasn;t owez a good actor...the boy owez knew it...

Firstly....Hope you love the rain today..i love it... 2day seems to be abit unsure for me... Happy .sad .lonely.boring.......ok.MOSTLY LONELY..... I finally noe wat I like abt you.... I like ur self-initiative….of course….i m the opposite of wat u are... I owez love to remember those days... Where everything is so easy and simple….. The days where you and me were owez together…talking non-stop…….. Hmmmmmmmmm.............i love teasing you........haha!! you nvr realize tat i was buzily checking on you... owez wanted to noe more abt you..... i noe you will realized where we have reached now... because i realized it too...... i wanted to keep it.... to keep wat you have inserted into my life... i wanted to keep writting abt you... i wanted your name to continue to appear in my diary... i want you to never fade away in my life.... well......you will nvr noe... how on earth are you going to noe wat i am thinking... unless....u read this.... unless you noe tat i am writting about you... unle...