21st August 2011


 


I don't really know if I am still me. ( If you read my last post, you might be able to grab why am I in depression.) Today is still the same as ever, maybe a little winded up. The thing is I really feel like giving up. In the morning, everything seems ok, I was a little down after not seeing Pacak at the assembly. Suddenly, the whole debate thing dawn on me. I don't really know why should I enter JingBian, the old reason doesn't seem convincing. Fed up by another fact that I was going , but with no real intention. To make the day duller, my Internet and Phone couldn't be access, the reason : My dad wasn't in time to make the payment. So I was totally cut off from any social network and my blog. I couldn't even make out coming calls to Don or even the seniors and the girl from ChungLing to discuss about the debate preparation. So, I had to be content that I have tuition and homework to let me pour over. And, for the last one hour, I had been texting, all because somebody couldn't commit herself in and only told me during the eleventh hour, I CAN'T ACCEPT that. You don't know what I have gone through in order to get those forms and letters ready, and I have to answer all the questions of the seniors if any mistake were to appear. Right , because of that, I couldn't bear to live through today anymore. I told WP about that thing that I hadn't tell anybody. I didn't really want to tell, but I couldn't keep it to myself anymore, it' excruciating. The news that I told her wasn't a big deal, but the challenge and people that I have to face in future( NEXT YEAR) makes such a big difference that I suddenly started disbelieving myself and my ability to face it. I hadn't told any of those that SHOULDN'T BE KNOWING as I don't one THOSE PEOPLE to know yet, they do be furious as they are in need of all those Koko marks and I was still unsure about THAT Person's opinion. But, since there's a high chance that person won't stumble across my blog…


 

So :

I really do hope you wont disappoint me over your choice and don't let me make you feel disappointed over your choice. I can take up the challenge, but can you just show me how to face those people , or rather, how to communicate with them? I just don't really know if I am capable of taking up that JOB.

Though I do believe you were never wrong over your choice, but you can never be sure that mistake can always appear and reappear without warning. I know you believe In me, but somehow, confidence and believing in yourself just couldn't be instill by just mere words.

Just wish you could guide me.

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