Very Honest

You know, its been some time since I last updated about how I really am.

I am not really sure how to explain what has gone over in me. Ever since I came back from the states, I have this little part in me that kept telling me that things happen for a reason. People come and go in your life, and you just have to accept the fact and be grateful for what you have.
I have to say it .

Dear friend,

I do not know if you realised it or feel it. We have been so far apart that even time could tell how much we have change. and how I have actually move on. I remember you were one of the most important people of my life, but today I doubt that was even true in me, nor you anymore. I do not blame anything for this. its meant to be. I remember I cared so much about you that I cried because you were jealous at me, for wanting to screw things up with your relationship. In matter fact, I was kind of glad that somehow you got to feel what I felt at some point. And that person who even made you feel that way wasn't even your close friend. Imagine it being 10 times worst when your best friend thinks about you that way. I wanted you to feel it, and think about how wrong you were, but I don't think you did. I feel sorry for you that you too, like me have to learn it the hard way. I forgave you in my heart, but the scar lingers there, forever.

I have learned to live without your stain, and I have, because when once it a blue moon, when I received your message, I feel glad, cool, and nothing else more. It used to be something more than that. But now, I take it as a hello and goodbye that came and left just like that.

I have met our teachers, and whenever they asked me about you, I realised that I couldn't even remember when was the last time we catch up. I have absolutely no idea about your life, your plans. I used to want to know, or took the effort to know, but now I guess I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel that I have to anymore. Even seeing you, it doesn't matter. People have been asking me why I feel this way, and many times have I explained that I don't know why, but I do know that people change.

I have been trying to make you realized that you can't always get away or achieved what you pursue like this. Your whole world is completely cast aside when all you see is the universe that lies beyond you, But I think that's no longer necessary because one day, you will learn. I may be wrong too, who knows, and I too shall learn.

I am sure you've found somebody to share your happiness with. I know, and I don't even need you to tell me because I have known you too well that I am embarrassed that why didn't I see what lies ahead before me, why I didn't seem to think that there was some part of you that could be so ghastly whenever there is a catalyst. I am happy for you, wishing you all the happiness, and may the odds be ever in your favour.

I am sorry that I have to be so honest, and that you will see me the way I see you now, because that's how it is, we can't control it. 

I still care about you, but not as before anymore.

Don't bother to pause and think of a reply, because I won't ever be able to see it. If there is ever one, If I ever stumble across it, which I highly doubt it, we shall see.

Here-- the most truthful letter I have ever written to you in my life.
I am Sorry.

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