.The Reverse

It's almost the end of March. I admit it's been some time since I wrote something. This time, something brought me back here. Bear with my whining and negativeness again.  It all started 4 months ago. There's just this person that i realized just changed. Not to say  ( let's name that person Alice ) that Alice wasn't like this at all, but she went to the extreme that I can't take it anymore. Busyness and desperateness changes people. I Alice was just so so so so so busy that she just stay quiet. I feel like I am interacting with a zombie or something. We could go by a day talking not more than 10 sentences. Secondly, i know she's busy, I am busy as well. But do you really have to make things so clear like you will only help this department if you're only in your department. Things don't work like this, this is not some kind of attitude we should pick up. Yet you portray this, even when our leader gave the orders before, to help other departments w...

Swoosh, and 2017 is already waiting at the other end for me. Looking back at 2016, it wasn't a really great year for me, but it's still worth it to be part of it. I have made , surprisingly, new friends that I thought we would never be. Everybody has their own story and own definition of life, trying to draft it out as best as they can. In the end, we all became part of each other's and bloom. I am really grateful for them.  Being in Dental School is hell lot of a life. Hectic. We wake up everyday to repeat a stressful routine, but at the end of the day, we looked at our phones and there, it's the next day already. We just had to carry on with our choices. I don't wanna lie, but there are, still, so many times I was doubting myself, did i really pick the right profession, but you know what, whatever it is, just looked forward, because that is where the end is, not behind.  Of course, i am definitely addressing my heartbreak, being who I am. You may not b...

Things turned out to be better. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that smile from him. Because of that gesture, tons of weight on my shoulders, and whatever that was locked in me, that mess( still there of course ) , seems to have become less messy. Yes, people will remind me that , nah, remember what he did to you, and I am like no. People say can you just move on, yes, i should, but I am still in the process and far from the impossible. People say it like it's the easiest thing in the world, unfurl. But that's not reality.  You don't just move on like that, because all time does is that it changes you, they don't heal you.  I can't possibly find a reason to hate him. Even if I do, that's probably because i was in an instance of bad mood, and after that it's all fine again. Yes, i remember every single thing he did for me, it was not something i could keep as a proof, it's an imprint in my heart and mind instead. I am saying all this...

2 months, exactly since it changed . So, what have I learned ? Much on letting people who hurt you continue their hurting, indirectly or not. While you feel it, as a reminder of how pathetic you could be because you think you could always live with the ideal form of that person the whole time, but then it was harder than you thought , hard to be just okay with it . People who were unaware would ask about us, and I have to say there's no such thing as Us. The inevitable question of why came , and then I realised I already had a fix answer , fix opening to begin with. It always starts with, we both wanted different things , and that I couldn't be the person the other half wants , let alone need. So, he wants to end it , and I loss my right to fight for us . People wouldn't believe that it could happen,believe me , I have been trying to for the past two months. Sometimes, people would just ask aren't you angry , or why do you keep blaming yourself . I mean, how could...

15 days back to reality - campus life. Things have changed , a whole lot. It's not just the place where I have my lectures, nor the place where I am having my practical sessions, or is it my hostel location. It's about the people around you that has changed. People seem to have keep moving, I have ,too, but it was a slower process for me. Of course I wasn't stupid to think that life could be so easy after I was being cast out of his life. All those dreams that i still have, the encounters etc. Owh, speaking of encounters, I GOT YOUR MESSAGE !! YES. YOU WANT A TOTAL RESET . I get that okay, that blatant face and ignorance has shown me enough. I will give you what you want --- being strangers. I GET IT. The first few weeks, I was completely overwhelmed with remorse, and thinking it was all because of me that I had been the greatest cause. And the more I try to keep you in this ideal form, the more I find myself realizing I deserve better. Not a better person than you, but...

It's been almost one month of rest and break. One whole month to pick up my pieces. (I don't think they will ever be complete again.) I will be back to USM Kelantan real soon. And this blog, i guess will be left quite alone as I venture into second year of dental life. I am not a philosopher on anything, as people seem to think I am, I am just normal as you are and trying my best to achieve my dream. Therefore I will write to share briefly, about what's my life as a first year university student, and a little on "dental student" in USM. 1. Meeting new people of the same goal. They are not just your your batch mates, it includes your course mates,and Uni-mates. We all have the same dream, the dream to graduate on time, get a degree and serve the community. You may or may not come to a point where you need to improve yourself in certain aspects that you think you slack in. Because, you will come to realize where you stand among your peers and whether or no...

My first year of university ended with a high note. Passing first year in the dental school had been my ultimate goal, and I made it, despite the real truth that I had barely survived it. The holidays are here , i should be busy catching up with friends and other stuff I always do -- enjoy. But somehow I had brought on something on myself that had doomed this holiday . I need to write about it. I need to write about you. Because one day when I looked back at it, i need to remember I was once okay, and that I was happy for a brief summer, and that everything had seem perfect. Dear you who taught me how to love, the hard way,  Yes, you. 4 months being with you. It was indeed a great one. I would spare the best details of it and keep them in my mind so that all i remember about you were the good ones.  The night after you decided you wanted to end it, I had wanted to beg you to give it a chance ( like you had asked me to) , but seeing what you had replied in the plea...