Negative thoughts i had in my life as a Dental Student

Since I am considered unemployed and on a delayed posting ( i assumed) due to the pandemic, I thought I might as well take some time to visit my blog. This time, I am here to share a few things that i have learned or come to realize throughout my five years as a dental graduate. The ugly thoughts and insecurities that ran through my mind so many times that I know, that sometimes, self-doubt makes us blind towards all the silver linings waiting for us, makes us lose our confidence. And this post is just a self-reminder and also maybe a comfort to you all who accidentally stumbled upon this space ( i really hope you don't because it means you are doing quite well) that you're not alone, that it is normal to have these thoughts racing through you when you hit the rock bottom. As long as you keep pushing until the finishing line. 

1. You are the worst among the worst. 

     I fail my first ever semester exam during my first years as an undergraduate (UG). It's not that i am alone with the Fs, but i was the only one, as far as i am aware of, with a string of Fs during first year. And at that particular time, i was roommates with one of the top students of my class. Being a chinese, i have Kia-suness in me. I study with whatever time i can because first year was so busy with extra cocurricular activities in between.  I sought help from my roommate from time to time and she's kind enough to help me. But, you know, it never changes the fact that the way you study isn't as effective as theirs, people study smart, and you study hard, and still, you get nowhere. You can't answer the most basics of the basics ( well actually you can, but you just aren't confident enough to answer your thoughts loudly. ) You probably feel why the things you study do not stick to your brain while others can. I am not here to tell you that it's okay if you aren't like people, instead, it's okay to be slow but you have to work hard, your tendency to fall behind doesn't gives you an excuse to be content with it, it should wind you up in some way to give you the mental strength to continue moving forward , even if it means 10 steps for you and 1 step for others. 

2. I deserve to fail.

You may find that you have alot of screw ups in everything that you do. You feel incompetent because you had to take twice the amount of time or number of trys before reaching the goal, barely. I remember i failed my first ever injection to my patient in front of my supervisor who was the one i tagged with during demo. While he asked who thought you the way to inject, and i had to sheepishly admit that he is my mentor. Yes, i was embarrased. Yes, i feel devastated that i failed the expectations of my mentor. I am here to remind you even if you fail today, doesn't mean you will the next day, as long as you find ways to improve yourself. 

3. Maybe i overestimated my ability to cope with stress 

Yes, what is dentistry without stress. Stress because you don't remember what you study, stress because your hand-skills arn't great, stress because your lecturer says you are incompetent, stress because you are falling behind in terms of clinical requirement, stress because it's making you not like who you became. But, at the end of the day, always remember that this too shall pass. Always be willing to accept that you are not feeling your best, and sometimes, take the time to be kind to yourself. I guess one thing i have learned in order to cope with stress, is to allocate a specific amount of time to be stress about the things that bother you about. When the time is up, brace yourself and look at things differently. 

4. I chose the wrong profession.

    I can't tell you how many times I asked myself if I really chose the wrong future for myself. We often think, is it too late to realise? My point is, your competency is not to be judged by your profession, but by your willingness to always do the right time. And, choosing to be somebody useful in life, no matter what the profession is, is never wrong. 

5. My supervisors or seniors are so smart that I feel so ashamed of asking them questions. You will forever be the eyesore among your supervisors
    Never, ever be ashamed to ask for help when you really need it. Especially in Dentistry. I will not guarantee that it is always a pleasant process, but I can definitely guarantee that to be able to learn and somebody willing to guide you is definitely more pleasant than going through all the doubts alone. Your supervisors may be displeased with you, and it is very very easy to keep wallowing in it. I know it is hard to be "traumatised" by it, but that is, in fact, a wrong mindset to instill in our mind, because it not only sucks out your confidence and demotivates you, it prevents you from seeing other opportunities laying around you. If you make a mistake in front of your superior, always be ready to admit your mistakes, and however, they want to think of you, that is their choice, we can only choose to repent, move on. Don't be plagued by it for all eternity, know that you have done your best and that you have made good use of a second chance. 

6. I am comfortable among those who are least excellent, and I feel bad for it. 
    Always work yourself up in the environment that works for you. And yes, I can relate to this so much because I have been through this during my last few years in university. When I was young, my parents always tell me that it is important to always mix with those who are of good influence. But please be aware that sometimes, it is not applicable to everybody, it may backfire. As for me, I was pretty grateful to have found my own "comfort zone" to work myself up in my academic and mental health. It is never a must for you to always be among the best to be the best, but it is a must for you to want to always try to be the best, and that is all that matters.