.The Reverse

Be like the flowing river, Silent in the night. Be not afraid of the dark. If there are stars in the sky, reflect them back. If there are clouds in the sky,  Remember, clouds, like the river, are water, So, gladly reflect them too, In your own tranquil depths.                          Manuel Bandeira Sort of What I really did, when I saw what I never wanted to see. Just, no hat. Dear close friend,  I really haven't been in the least unhappy about you sharing your problems with me, but a habit has started to grow in me. I just hope you know and understand that I wasn't avoiding you. I tend to ignore everything that's happening. I hate lazing there and doing nothing to stop all that ridiculous pain growing inside me. I would rather do loads and loads of things, busy my mind with unnecessary stuff, blur you away from my tracks of attention, mute everything that brings my mind far off. It isn't your fault. I repeat  It isn't.

Guess what ? I had 4 dreams . 1. It was about my status in fb about not making into 3. Somebody had managed to decipher it and hit it straight to my core. Whatever. It doesn't make much difference to him anyway. Not sensitive enough as it would normally be. 2. Quite adventurous. It was the end of the world when my family was at the shopping mall. The whole thing, I guess it was earth ( soil ) that dropped onto the roof and covered the world outside. I couldn't reach my mum and my brother. Before the tragic, I met JJ and she said she wanted to grab some chocolate before the  end of the world arrive. Apparently, she was just in time. -.- Just imagine, Chocolates. While running, I ran past my dad and gave him a fly kiss. It was weird, why wasn't I running for him ? Things went worst when the whole place was out of water. People started to dig the toilets and using their filtering skills. I remembered I suggested Fractional distillation or something. I remembered Encik Za

By the way, I have made up my mind. 2 is 2. I shouldn't make it into 3.

23.01.13 Today is Edward's birthday. I had forgotten all about it till when I wrote an announcement for choir. The date really reminded me about him. Yeah, I never forget. At first i thought of sending him a text, but i changed my mind in the end anyway, facebook is more appropriate at this level. Today was idle. Like the reaped cane fields =D I had enjoy today. No hard feelings at all, plus the booster smile from Pacak, TWICE! XD Euphoric. Just that there are still something not fitting in. 1. Why does IQ 200 seem to always guess correctly at everything. I lied at first, but then i decided that there wasn't anything bad. If people can tell it out from the first answer, it means you no longer have to lie. 2. I had been avoiding. I feel guilty. Yeah, I lied to Hazard. As usual of course. I don't really care if he knew. It wouldn't make a difference. He has other things to mind with and settle, which I am sure is already settled. If only he check it up or what.

It's intimidating. I know. Who would have thought that I would live up till now to listen to those comments? I didn't choose for it to happen, fate it is. So, while doing my school work without really knowing what I am doing actually, I came to a certain sense that maybe that's why I couldn't resist the pull, and by putting me through it, I will gain the immunity. Sooner or later. I don't really care if people think I am really the breaker or something, (Obviously, I can't think of another word yet ). I have ended up being like this since last year, and now the only thing that I have decided is to really tell my close friend about it. It's too important that I should. Not because I know it wouldn't change his mind or just anything, but because I do not need a rupture between us. It's stupid. I know. To go on and on about this matter with him really makes him frustrated. Nothing shown on the face, but I can feel it, who asked me to be the on

I woke up really early for the swim. I had a try on underwater swim for 25meters with one gulp of air. I did it XD ! Today's our dear Kedah Sultan's birthday. It's a school holiday and I had planned that I would sleep late yesterday. I did, not because I was obstinate to, but someone,my close friend had kept me by the screen. It didn't feel wrong or guilty to stay up late just for yesterday, as it's been an eternity since we really chat.  I mean a real chat other than some stupid schooling topics. Though most of our messages were about certain subjects and reminders here an there. There's something really funny that I realised, we often talk about weddings. I have no idea why we always ended up in such a weird topic, but both of us have our own share of views about it. Especially about the outfits.Haha. Sometimes, it would end up as a resolution for our own future wedding if we are lucky to have one with our lover. By the way, Close Friend, I am really

" I will never be yours, and you will never be mine; nevertheless, I can honestly say: I love you, I love you, I love you. " -Paulo Coelho, Aleph              There's one more thing that's right about what Paulo had shared : Suffering comes from desire , not from pain.

I really want to blame that dream for opening up the secret mess in me that I have  Though, of course it's an excuse. It's like you have got the permission to go for it, but then you stop, because your instincts tell you that you shouldn't. You know you are out of  the scale. Whatever. Just Uninvited.  I do give it all up, If only I could.  Would you break me if I asked you to ?

I just simply want to jot down some things. Weird it is though. 1. I met Pacak when I was going down the staircase at Dewan Terbuka yesterday. He saw me from the bottom of the stairs and said Hi with his PERFECT SMILE =D 2.  LKL bought me 2 packets of Sour Plus. Seriously, his partner beside him had just joke about my liking of it. JOKE. -.- and He really did get it for me. Though I am touch, but I still pay him though. HoHo!! I will have supplies XD 3. Chosen to paired up with Suman for a short presentation for Nature.and Intan had used the word Couple . _._ll You can practically see her face with the loving balloons rushing out of her. 4. Got a whole stack of notes from IQ 200. Obviously, JJ had asked me what's wrong between us. -.- We talk. She thought we do reconcile or something. No, it won't happen, for sure. 5. I went for Tanjung's English tuition which my close friend had told me about. Of course, I got the permit from my parents. Luckily I think it was c

Today's abit different. Quite nice actually. =) 1. I started my day with stomach ache. Seriously, this is the 2nd time since January till now. I don't know the reason of these achings and it freaks me out. 2. Mr Tan asked me to present on 31st again. I have got to think about how to apologize to the listeners on that day and ask them to bear with my voice for a while, I can't seem to say NO to Tan Gim Seng. After all, it wasn't anything bad. 3. LKL came out with a new scandal. Not very new, but still fresh. Seriously not Suman, and my friend kept calling out Naqib's name, just that I never wanted to know who he is. It's just to difficult to act normal once you know, especially when I am a lousy actor. 4. Seriously, there wasn't anything wrong if I chat and laugh with IQ 200. We were friends, and we are friends. I wasn't thinking about what had happen last year, though I am not sure if he is. I think he isn't. This case wasn't that bad, a

I don't know what would happen if those whimpers reach my close friend. That do be a little dangerous, he's quite a killer. Though i hope he's just acting. Anyway, it wasn't much. A summary of my few months story, quite simple actually, but I took 2 period to present it. Presented. I wasn't sure if I wanted her to know either, but she's the only one that's safe for me to express my agony, as she always had been. Thanks. I was predicting what would come out of it if my close friend suddenly confronted this case. Though it wouldn't more or less matter much to him. It would be just another cracking joke or something unimportant. Which was of course, what I am always prepared for. Yes. It somehow matters so much to me about the fact  that everything sort of re-spilled because of that dream. Jots: 1. Pacak's handsome as always. The antidote. 2. I don't think I want to know who Naqib guy is. 3. Act yourself.

11.22pm I don't think I would ever be able to forget about it, forever. Scattering around. I wasn't suppose to have time for blogging, but somehow, I must. I don't think I would be able to neglect it, for the moment.  There are always some things that were astonishing, alluring, stunning, sweet, addictive, to write about. I tried to cling on to it, really tried.   I don't know why I got that dream. This one was just simply heartbreaking. Though it doesn't seem to be if you are the one having that dream.  You do be euphoric. Simply because of a simple person. It was just too short, just 5 minutes when I laze back on my bed this morning after my alarm rang. It was A Night in a Dream of a Night. He was trying to offer the only blanket in that room. I was worried that he wouldn't be able to rest well. Something important is up for him tomorrow. He thrust it back at me and just snooze of. Now, I know I wasn't selfish. I was

It's been 10 days since school reopen. My Form 5 life had started. Just some simple jots for now. 1. I have decided to drop Chinese for SPM. However, Dad had said I have to be serious for Chinese in every school tests. 2. Teachers. Intan for English, Zaiton for BM, Saturated teacher for Maths ( I can't remember her name, too many Zuu.. and Ju...), Juhaila for Biology. Others are the same. Now, I know that you can actually take 3 days to complete 4 points in a summary. ==ll 3. Miss Edna appointed me as Conductor, Fish as AssistantConductor. Honestly, this wasn't what WP and I had expected. Plus, I was elected by Joanna as Ketua Disiplin of St John.Completely blur all the way. @@. I will try my best anyway. 4. Pacak's back. He's really back. I still go crazy every time. Can' help it. XD 5. I still don't really know who that Naqib is. and, Today, Chee Tat had asked me if I had taken on CL. Seriously no, it sort of subsided, and he was just simply some