.The Reverse

I am not in bed yet. Waiting for Green farm to load and harvest my crops. I decided to write, I have a feeling that there's going to be no more stalking. I wasn't in the best mood these days. It's been dead for 3 days now, and no pop-up-s. I tried so hard not to lied to myself, tried to find all kinds of reasons which will help me believe that it's just my own problem. But I don;t know how long will this condition last, even one of my close friend knows i am just ...just too selfless. It was such a sharp question : Am I still having feelings for him? I just answered after 2 minutes, yes. But It doesn't seem right, if you have feelings for a person, you don't have to evaluate so many things to get your answer, it should be spontaneous. I do heard so many things, I don't want to listen, but I'm not deaf. My friend asked if i was in a bad mood due to those things, No, I wasn't, I am just frustrated why I wasn't deaf at that moment. I told my

It;s been 5 days since I got my result. Dad had had a dilemma on giving me a notebook. So I didn't say much about it, just annoyed. I went to Penang yesterday, the first stop was at my uncle's house. Stephen had finish his SPM, and now, there were 4 loads of books waiting for me in his study room for me to choose, so I grabbed what i wanted and ended with a basket of books. All of them had congratulated me for my great results. I went to my grandmother-in-law's house. She asked me about my results and kept asking me what did my dad give me. I was abit surprise actually, but i didn't answer her. Then i went in to her room, and she gave me 100 bucks. He told me that my cousin, the one who was born on the same day with me, had get herself a Samsung Galaxy phone about 2000bucks, and a notebook, and she wasn't happy with my grandmother for giving her only 100bucks. Her own relatives gave her 1000bucks. No wonder, and that had answered my questions of why my grandmother w

总觉得我好像想太多了，我有点贪心。 我想要的却让我开始觉得它不实际。 妈妈今天和我有个关于“谈恋爱”的话题，可我心中的和她想的不同。 妈妈想象中的恋爱和我的不一样，因为我的大有分别，不实际的成分多得很。 是你的关系吗？

By BEST QUOTES I've learned that we don't have to change friends,If we understand that friends change. I've learned that something that you do in an instant, can give you heartache for life . I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be that last time you see them. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned that either you control your attitude, or it controls you . I've learned that my best friend and I , can do anything or nothing and still have a good time. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the one who helps you get up. I've learned that sometimes when i am angry i have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them too, doesn't mean they don

I got Another KuKuMeow-Doodle, Coloured. I will use it when I feel it's time for a little colour =) Here is what You asked for :   KUKUMEOW , I LOVE YOU!!  HaHa! XDXD

I got my PMR results. FINALLY!!!!! I had score straight A's, so A notebook in any market is waiting for me, I have to wait. Maybe till Form 5. Maybe Dad will end up saying that IF I score well for SPM then only I will get it. I wonder if he will say that It's going to be really unfair. I was the one of the few who was late to get the results. MG had called me when I was taking my bath. She told me that many hadn't been able to score and A for BM and BC. I was really worried because these 2 subjects are the one that's going to kill me. I reached my school and He Phoned Me. I HADN'T GET MY RESULTS. == Mum had order me to call her instantly no matter what the SLIP show. I walked to Miss Ng, she asked why I was late, I said I am scare of the results. She ask : " Really?" Really. " You don't have to worry la..." So, I scanned the SLIP myself and YEAY!! THE ROW OF A's I was a little shocked when an Indian man seating with his daugh

I came back from KL yesterday. What a relieved.The 6 days at KL was quite interesting and quite euphoric actually. The first day was a little rush-y. We slept at 11 and woke up at 5 am. 5 people on one 2-person-bed.The competition on 17th was quite ok, but we lost anyway. A Little sad because we had tried so hard to win, but we will keep up the spirit. =) I couldn't remember much details over there, so I will just summarize : 1. IN total. I actually talked to him for one and a half hours. The first call was 1 hour. I didn't know that his voice could be heard, but I didn't care either. My team mates kept coming into the room and peek at me, Angkor Wad had said I had too much credit. Indeed, during that moment. XD AFter the 2nd call, they started questioning me, which made me landed in a load of questions on my way back to Kulim in the bus. I couldn't stand their faces looking at me in such a "scary" way that I decided to let them ask ONLY 5 questions. They

Once upon a time I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye And we caught onto something I hold onto the night You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me Were you just kidding cause it seems to me This thing is breaking down, we almost never speak I don't feel welcome anymore Baby, what happened, please tell me Cause one second it was perfect Now you're half way out the door And I stare at the phone He still hasn't called And then you feel so low You can't feel nothing at all And you flashback to When he said forever and always Oh, and it rains in your bedroom Everything is wrong It rains when you're here And it rains when you're gone I was there when you said forever and always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest? Made you run and hide like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew for a minute now I'm not so sure So here's to everything coming down to nothing Here's to silence that cuts me to the cor

There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles Same old, tired place lonely place Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy Vanished when I saw your face All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?" across the room, your silhouette Starts to make its way to me The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks Like passing notes in secrecy And it was enchanting to meet you All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you This night is sparkling, don't you let it go I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you The lingering question kept me up, 2 a.m., who do you love? I wonder 'til I'm wide awake Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door I'd open up and you would say It was enchanting to meet you All I know is I was enchanted to meet you This night is sparkling, don't you let it go I

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO LEARN THAT ONE SHOULDN'T BE ASKING ANY MORE IF THE OTHER DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. Today was at least better than the last 2 days, more interaction, there was one time where it was nice and just so comfortable that I hope I was still in that position. I wish I had never move an inch from it. It won't happen again. Few words could be use to remind me about today, STEP, KICK, HIT.

I am under stress. No matter how much i wanted to rebut that fact, I realise I can't.From the time I took my bath when I came home from HuiGuan, I wasn't in the mood to talk at all. The practice today just sucks, I wasn't in the right condition. I didn't do my part the way I should. I know maybe it;s just excuses, but i really feel like quitting, for this December. There's so much I wanted to do but I couldn't. I missed talking to my cousin who is a year older than me, but today's mood spoiled the whole thing. Yesterday night, I had been worried. I couldn't actually ask him what's wrong, though I know i shouldn't be asking any more since I won't get the answer either way. I couldn't chat, so I ended up calling my friend, which I had never call before and talked for almost half an hour. Thanks. I am sorry that I sent that lame message to you, it was a mistake, I didn't know I sent it to you. I didn't say hi to you because i

I was late for at least 15 minutes. They all shouted at me of course, never mind. ==. They wanted me to hold the key although they knew that I will be late. Practiced my scripts for at least 4 times today, I don't think it's consider ok. Urgh .17th is nearing. For today's lunch,we  ate noodles as Angkor Wat won the scissors-rock and Cloth game with JW. They all gave me their some sort of Fried lard. ==. I bought fried rice for WJ, Julius isn't behaving really well and I couldn't just see WJ eating chicken rice, Again. Thank God, NO HOT SCORCHING SUN. ^^~ Went Back and had 2 rounds of practice, and decided to buy cup-noodle for snack, Angkor Wad didn't want to buy, he kept eyeing mine and WJ's. WTH, and I just wasn't firm enough on not giving him my noodles. I couldn't have any peace while having it either,with his eyes and questions shooting at me, in the end he got the noodles and the soup as well.==. But I realised that I am not in the least influe

My day was wasted in HuiGuan, as usual. I was upset-ted by Angkor Wat by his words of compliment.   WTH,COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING IT. IF I hadn't type everything that I wanted to say to you in my phone, I don't think we would be having lunch together today. He had finished his exam, and now, if tomorrow is over, means it's a new record. :) Texted him. Somebody called him and he heard me screaming, obviously I was obsessed with Blasterball. Extracted from The Way I loved You : Breakin’ down and comin’ undone It’s a roller-coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that’s the way I love you

1.It's Going to end. 2 more days. HoHo.I wonder if anything is going to happen. Can't help thinking, after all, we need 3 more days to break it. :) 2. Erm, XXX, You can't say I am clever just because I guessed it right. It's because I know it's going to be a she.==. Ex's are definitely out of your list. I wasn't shock, I won't kill you yet. XD 3. Great. Don't Pat Me . That's going to be right on my mind if you are going to do it absent mindedly for the 3rd time if there is. I don't mind, just I don't want any misunderstandings. But I agree you are sometimes too funny that I couldn't hate you. Lol. Thanks for the Jokes.

It's the best when you finally Defined yourself.  Thanks to my friend ALOT, who actually SUMMARIZED up all my problems and made it into one big fat solution. I could finally find out and understand the truth inside me which i never will notice,which I had thought that it doesn't exist anymore. I slept well last night, but really late. I hope that he really is fine. PS : Thanks for defining me, you Saved the day. ;)

It's midnight .I needed to write. For 2 whole days, I am trying my best not to suck. I hate that winter feeling, it's suppose to be summer or spring. I don't feel like myself. I am worried. I really want him to just spit it out if there's anything. I can't live not knowing for the moment. I am freaking out. I really am out of "formulae" to solve "equations". I don't want to feel wintry.

I started my day when my 6am alarm clock rang, i wasn't feeling very well, the running nose and sore throat, maybe a little heat, it made it worse when i just wanted to call him. But I did call anyway, I tried to control my running-voice , but i think it didn't work. During the afternoon, my friends went out for lunch and i stayed at Hui Guan alone, waiting for JW to return with McD for our lunch. Texted him after I finished my lunch. But he didn't reply immediately, i thought that he didn't bring his phone to school. So, i was about to leave my phone alone when it rang. His name appeared on the screen. I left the room as they were still having lunch, and secondly, I can't talk in there. I was really surprised that he called me, and even more surprise of the way he had started the conversation, haha. After about 2minutes, i started to hear his friend's voice, imagine how shock i was when i heard what they say, but i suppose they don't know, only one of his f

I changed my blog templates. WP had urged me to change it, so that Fish, her and me can have a set of 3 cute blogs. Thanks to Fish for the Marvellous Header. :D 1) I woke up at 6 in the morning to give him a good luck call, but he was having his breakfast and couldn't pick up the call. So, i just text him. A few days more, HeheXD. 2) Cough+Sore throat+Flu .I have a feeling I am going to get sick. Great. Mum and Dad are going to nagged. 3) Please, Stop asking me to Admit.> < I am a bad liar.==

I was a little crazy after hours of tuition and debate. So, I went in to my Memory Capture's Folder, and saw quite a number of pictures that I like. There wasn't much in form1, but many in form 2 and form 3. So, maybe i should post it to recharge your memories. HoHo.XD In Form 2. I wanna say thank you to Wenzy . Hoho. Old Xiu Xiu :) Ignore that Finger. == Form 3 I guess it's all in choir where we took pictures in form 3 .Lol.

Headache. I was so tired that i slept in the car when I came home form Hui Guan. I did so badly during Full-Run that I couldn't even bring myself to ask for an off-day. But it felt nice when he texted while i was practicing, i really wanted to keep my mind out of debate , even if it's just for a while. Though I did threaten him that i will kill him if he didn't "disturb" me. XD. He didn't come for the competition yesterday, bad and good, bad because i wouldn't be able to meet him, and good because, it's the first time that the competition does not have an audience. Haha, what a waste. Jot 1. HE had pointed out that my first time going overseas is actually with him. 2. Dad had told me that if he's going, I have to keep out Question Marks XD 3.Owh, I hope TP won't be another Vetagen.

It's been 11 days. 11days. Seems like I managed my mood REALLY REALLY WELL. OK, Quite. ~.~. I feel guilty for taking other people's right .   I don't think I should be going, though i have nothing to worry, because the teacher had asked me to go. Her tone had turned from INVITING to ORDERING.@@~  Yesterday had been a weird night. I chatted with L. I have lots of things to ask and he has lots of things to ask back. I had been busy arranging some debate details. It's really important, Made so many phone calls. After I thought that I had settle everything, I realise I forgot to call him. And, he's already asleep, wth. No choice, messaged him to call me straight away when he wakes up. I watch New Moon for awhile, and went to bed at 1.40. I was unconscious, but really glad that I DID HEAR THE CALL, and asked what I wanted to ask. Slept back, and woke up at about 6, after that stupid dream. I hate that dream. It's just so weird that he had texted me never

Dear Zi Yu , I can't say how happy I am that you Doodled me. So glad that I am one of your masterpiece. I admit it's cute.XD By my beloved KukuMiao. :) I really love it. PS : I will treat this as My Coming Christmas Present from you. XD By the way, I can't post your masterpiece just like that, just so that your copyrights are being honoured. :)

21st NOVEMBER 2011 ISSUE : OFFICIALLY 2 MONTHS CRACKS : 1 SURPRISES : 2 NOTES : 3 GIFTS : 4 FAVOURITE MOMENTS : 5 ( 19th SEP, 3rd OCT,AGM, NILAM, 18th NOV) PHONE CALLS with MY DAD's : 6 times DIALLED : UNCOUNTABLE PICK UP :  UNCOUNTABLE WEIRD COMMENTS : 2 WISH : Stay Close, for as long as we could.

17th November 2011 Real sad. My folder of songs was deleted by that pen drive. Wth. He told me that he's maths paper wasn't that bad. and tomorrow, he's going to give me surprise. > < 18th November 2011 I went to FuJianHuiGuan at 8. I was late actually, after choosing what to wear. I never choose my attire actually, but since my mum will nag about it, so it's better that i do, and i left with the butterfly pin.I went and had my breakfast before going there.  I was on the alert mode the whole time but i don;t know why. Wished WJ happy birthday and then settled the names of the debaters. CW almost didn't make it, and Angkor Wat, forget it.==. So, i had to ask WJ to be the judge, including myself, though i really really don't think i should be one. Four minutes after i sat at the suppose-to-seat-place,WJ had patted me to tell me something, I ignored her at first, the she patted harder, so I turned around and realized that....the surprise itself had arri

Today is the last day of school. Morning : Pacak went up twice on stage to get his prize and the name of his grup, (Geng Bas Sekolah)? and Grup Skup .== : Debate session ended early. I got fed up actually. So,I accompanied Fish with her guy, acting as the third person there. L told me it ends at 12.30. But I didn't go and search. : Meeting. I realize i do been missing out. I really don't want to be it . : I dreamt about MJ yesterday. I was still snapping with him for not picking up his friends. I can't believe it's her. : I acted with Miss Gooi. HEHE~ Support! : Last day, lousy. Jot : Countdown : 4 more days

Love her So much.

His exam had started, my debate had started. Holidays are coming, one more day. I hate this Holiday. I am going to hate it. Shit. I had already forgot about Pacak, I couldn't recognise him, couldn't remember about having to catch a glimpse of him. Maybe he's going to be like A. Well, maybe it's good then. After all , his going to leave next year. But I admit padang won't be much fun to look at. XD. Choir practice ended "again". It went well in Alor Setar, minus that that pengarah didn't even look , and the microphone wasn't even on, and we have to stand for almost an hour. == Now that he will be gone for the moment, I have alot of things to think about, plus he isn't going to stalk for almost a month. Shit, I don't care. Bad mood. Erm...alright. The fear is coming back. It's going to be 2 months, nearly. 5 more days. Can't wait. I can't wait to make it sure that it is going to be 2 months after that almost breaking period

If I have a camera of my own, or even a phone that could snap pictures, I do be happier for today. After my debate, while i waited for my dad to pick me up, i saw 2 cats. One of them must be a male, the other is a female. =.=. Em, i don't really know what were they doing, so i started to watch them,. The male tried to get closer to the female one, after about 2 to 3 minutes, they were head to head, nose to nose, and neck to neck. Hahaha!!! That scene carried out more than 5 minutes, Ho ho! So SWEET!! <3 <3  . Then, the funny part was that when the male shook it's body I don't know, sort of stepped over the female. Mating huh? Then, they freed each other, the male walked away to find food i guess, or grooming.XD the female then sat down in such a GRACEFUL. I really have to use this word, and watched out for her new partner? BEST SCENE FOR 11.11.11 LIKE, LIKE, LIKE!!!

Yesterday was the last day I am going to meet him at school. Unless you count in those days for exams . And because he was absent now, I could finally pin up my hair at the centre, apparently i won't if he's going to be at school. Secondly, I decided not to pass by the area, i need to get use that it's going to happen again, that same sensation and hallucinations, haha. Thirdly, I might as well get going no matter what happens. maybe it won't be that bad. :) Jot : Stress... > <

1) I finally gave him one gift back. One not really good gift, but that's the least i could give if you were to ask a person who doesn't have a taste for choosing gifts like me. I had been thinking for almost one month what to do with those notes though. :) 2 ) I forgot to wish him Good Luck. Damn > < 3) He had said : " The person you want to see is right beside you," Huh? XP

Thought of today : I realize if I were to keep myself really really busy,        I could actually go sanguine internally if it's from IQ200. :)

Well, I don't know what to say. Each day gets worse and worse. Debate just really destroyed my mood.Angkor Wat and the 2 other. Damn. Some how, i should have been okay by now, but some part of me seem missing. I could go online almost every night and chatted a while with him, but it doesn't really full fill that unknown part. It's the first time I realize I miss him more than usual. Shit. Weekends and Holidays made it worse. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I was the one who had asked for it and now i should learn to be content with it. It's like something is slipping away. Empty.Greedy.Frustrated. Disoriented. Dull. Grey.Utcut.

It's already November. School was really bored, but just like what Banana Man said, we came because home was bored too, and house chores . Choir have started, I just love it. Leong had said that The sopranos had improve alot. Hehe. XD . Having alot of interaction with Miss Gooi lately, we kept running to her office to ask if there's anything we could help. Cikgu Zaini had commented about WP, fish and Me about being good wives in the future. Sweat. But, that day i was really proud, he had pointed out that i was the one being the MC most of the time, and i was the only one decorating that dusty musty cupboard in Bilik Multimedia. But, thanks to my friends that helped me. :) As i have said, November. That means December, JingBian, then...well, i don't know what will happen. I don't think i am going to think much about that, just leave it to faith. When he told me he was going to be there too, i was really happy. Though my mum's warning kept popping in, but I don'

家前面的老树，前几年早就 不成树形 了。爸年头问过我要不要砍。 我说不要。 即使只剩下树枝，那棵树有个特别的部分。我喜欢那凄凉的部分。不是因为枯叶随风而飘，是因为它有个空心的部分，也不至于叫空心， 像一大堆疤痕堆 在一起的疤痕那样。 那堆疤痕，不是一个随便的疤痕，它的形状像是一颗心。 皱巴巴 的痕迹（白蚂蚁的杰作）更是添加了那被人遗忘的感觉。永远灭不掉的的疤痕，就好象以前的他所留下的。 可后来旁边的草，我也不知那是什么草，只知道是攀升植物。巧合的是，叶子也是心形的。悄悄的攀上，靠到了里边。久了，叶子也多了，里边的那堆疤痕快看不见了，剩下外形而已。 我想，另一个人成功了。 我还是深信里头的原理吧。     后所见。忆。纯属随笔。 有点后悔没拍起来。                                                                           

Jots : 1. Mistaken our new Pengetua as a School Labourer. 2. Stood for one period listening to a teacher's speech in class. 3. I forgot all about Pacak. I couldn't recognize him at all. Gotta Reconduct. 4. Finding teachers the whole day. So, Che2 was almost annoyed by me. and Miss Ng. Thank God she's Samsudin. 5. RUdui. XD 6. Fish admitted : " My 'Mother'..." Gosh. > < 7. Told him and my friends about the dream. I cancelled out one finer point. That's abit unsuitable. 8. We ended up in circles today in the staff room. XD 9. First time I shouted your name and said goodbye. 10. I laughed alot today. Good Day ^^ PS : Kelwin, tell her if you want, Don't tell if you accept the way she is. Be prepare for any coming storm. Be smart if she dumps you. :) I only give opinions, and they are not really effective. But still, follow your heart. They will be lucky to have you anyway. =D

Yesterday morning, I woke up with that bizarre dream of my PMR results. Damn. I was back from Penang yesterday. I got sick and vomited in the car. Before that, we had to stop by at Tesco; the bridge was having a massive traffic jam. My dad and Nixon went to shop while I sat with mum for about 1 and a half hour. I really hate that stomach aching sensation. Ever since I had taken that pink pill in February, I had that problem almost every week. Even my classmate now spared a Feng Sha Wan for me whenever I need it. That doctor did say that I might have gastric because of that pill, but I don’t want to believe it. When I got home, I texted him that I had reach home and went to sleep. I dreamt of him again. I couldn’t believe that I could dream every night and two of them were him. So, I will just jot down a few points in the dream: 1. Same neighbour hood. 2. White gates. 3. Edie == Spoiler. 4. Walked home together. 5. Twitching Fingers @@?!

I am currently in Penang . Dad had made the decision that he wanted to bring us to 白衣堂 to pray.( i think so).I went in and say the prayers with them for about 15 minutes, squatting there. Then , we ate the vegetarian food prepared by them. We then continue to my Grandmother's house, I am really annoyed by that dog,Amy ( XDXD ), he's really sensitive to red, and it so happen that i wore red.==. My dad's the worst, he kept bothering that dog with that stick. That dog was showing it's teeth, and it's a bitch .> &lt; Then, we went to buy that Tau Sa Pia by Shun Heang . That old lady, with a face that never change (ever since my dad knows her), she only gave us 5 tongs even though my dad had ordered 10. Well, it's her habit . Then, lunch. One thing that i am really grateful for is that i am not staying in Penang . Why? I do become a pig by now if i had stayed there. I ate Char Koay Teow , Curry Mee , Koay Teow Theng ...and some sort of Kuih .Don't wo