.The Reverse

The call in July from Chen Long came earlier than I thought. In Fact, it came the very next 2 days. This time, he wanted me to accompany him to Seberang Jaya for shopping. I mean,, no big deal, but I find the reason for his invitation funny. haha. The point was, i thought I would ignore it. Because, I didn't want to have to say no to him. But I had another round of counselling from mum, and i finally realize that my answer could be so simple. I realized my problem was i had always had the wrong concept that if you want to be with somebody, there's always a trial period, or in other words, a trial period at the start of every relationship or the getting- to- know- each- other phase. I was wrong . You see, if you want to be with somebody, that means, you have the  desire to make it last, for as long as it can, till the very last moment. There shouldn't be an excuse saying that you can always pick another one if one does not suit you. No, you've got to gamble and pla

It's been a lazy and crazy week, since I am learning how to drive. But  Chen Long has bugged me twice, and now I am confused how should I react. LOL It's been too long expecting something to happen, and when it did, I panic. I have been asked to go out with him twice. The first was a failure because I had something going on, and the second one, I would love to go, as friends, i swear and of course , maybe to know him better. But mum had said if I go, it means I want to be with him. I personally don't think so. So, now I have a feeling that I wont be able to make my own decision when the time comes, whoever it is. I might like somebody, and because my parents said something, but I might get the wrong idea that i don't like somebody. And, this is going to be a big problem in the future. My parents have now given me the green light that I am now allowed to date guys if i wanted to. They hinted, which I have often find it hilarious. But, I doubt that leniency though.

I just decided to write it up here because i doubt anybody would come across this site as much as I do, haha.  Something unexpected ( kinda ) happened on the 17th of June 2015, but it was totally understandable. I was watching the 9pm Tiger Mum show on TV while scrolling my whatsapp, just for fun. And then I was checking one of my best friends chat history, so when a message came in, there was no notification. As i exit, I realized my name was leading the message that I have overlooked. But as soon as I understood the tone of the message ( I did not finish reading it ) , I knew this was a confession. One that I had fear would come while we were in each other's company so often before this, it made me panic during the Truth or Dare game we had . But it had ceased down to a quiet tone after that. My friends and I  had a discussion about it long before and I knew I should do something before I mislead or hurt somebody, after all he is a good guy. But we were all so busy with ou

So, My lovely juniors whom I trained in Form 1 had lost in the first round of their first National Debate Competition, and my senior had asked me to write something for them , so, i just wanted to keep it here, haha! 大人们， 我这位非常老的外人知道你们去了全国赛， 还第一轮就输了。用外卡进了， 也该逗逗其他对手多一点才过瘾啊。额，后面这句是废话。以下，也是更多废话，说来说去也是一样的东西嘛。 你们年纪还”轻轻“，我吃醋了！这么快，又早就可以参加全国赛了，我根本都没那个资格。机会是有的，就是没资格。不是教练没给机会，是自己过不了自己那一关。正在念这一篇的老哥哥应该知道我到底是怎么了，不过我觉得他不懂。这不是重点，重点是你们真的做到这一点了，不是那么轻易就能够做到的东西，那就是战胜了自己。 你们输了，比起以前的我，应该还更伤心吧。上次见你们的时候说你们输了，我忘了是哪个比赛了，一脸伤心巴巴的样子（我觉得没有这个形容词啊）以前我输了，除了一点点的心灰意冷，就是安心，太安心了。因为我怕还需要打多一场。这就是你们和我的分别。所以这一点，我就可以非常肯定，你们不是普通的变态，明白？不明白也给我明白。 我不是那种会说那种激励人的话，这任务交给这位念着的人，（虽然本来写这个是要激励你们的）。不过，还是要说，你们真的不错了，不是最好，但迟早也会是最好的。这位老哥哥刚跟我说辩论界很黑，不过因为有你们这样的一队，就算黑，也不暗。（请你们在这时候让这位老哥哥，喷饭一下，你们呢，去倒水给他喝吧) 加油啦！ 接下来的比赛，不管是什么，只要上场，尽了自己最好的，那我们也没什么好嫌弃了，对吗？希望有一天再见到你们的时候，你们都还是一样喜欢辩论。输了，也就算了，没输过，怎么能赢。太爱你们啦！！（老哥哥，去喷饭多一次，大人们，再去倒水给他）仅此！ 要是要骂我怎么写到将烂，那就WhatsApp我吧，哈哈！原因是我都没你们的号码。

I am gonna cut straight to the point that I am gonna vent my frustration,( and not anger) here because I am piss and I can't be piss at that person directly because she's my mother. She's my mother and me being at home makes it 10 times worst. I often wonder why I tend to be a better person outside rather than at home. I tend to be a better daughter to my host parents, a better friend to my circle of friends outside than my brother ( used to ). I didn't even have to act because it came naturally, and it was being appreciated adequately, even though sometimes, they don't. I don't feel pressured, and so I can do better and at ease without actually worrying that things would go wrong, and even if it were to go wrong, they don't squeal at you and bring out tons of other unrelated and related things to strike you,and you cannot mouth a word. ( just saying that even sometimes keeping quiet will make them think I am ignoring them, wth) One thing though, I hate