30th DEC 2011 12.08am

I am not in bed yet. Waiting for Green farm to load and harvest my crops. I decided to write, I have a feeling that there's going to be no more stalking.

I wasn't in the best mood these days. It's been dead for 3 days now, and no pop-up-s. I tried so hard not to lied to myself, tried to find all kinds of reasons which will help me believe that it's just my own problem. But I don;t know how long will this condition last, even one of my close friend knows i am just ...just too selfless. It was such a sharp question : Am I still having feelings for him? I just answered after 2 minutes, yes. But It doesn't seem right, if you have feelings for a person, you don't have to evaluate so many things to get your answer, it should be spontaneous. I do heard so many things, I don't want to listen, but I'm not deaf. My friend asked if i was in a bad mood due to those things, No, I wasn't, I am just frustrated why I wasn't deaf at that moment.

I told my friend that I no longer have the courage to contact him, of course, I can still talk to him like normal, but it;s a different feeling that I get when i came home. I just don't like it, tried to shoo it of my mind, but it would not. I would just you know, one day, learn to face reality again.

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