Be like the flowing river,Silent in the night.Be not afraid of the dark.If there are stars in the sky, reflectthem back.If there are clouds in the sky,Remember, clouds, like the river, arewater,So, gladly reflect them too,In your own tranquil depths.
Manuel Bandeira
Sort of What I really did, when I saw what I never wanted to see. Just, no hat.
Dear close friend,
I really haven't been in the least unhappy about you sharing your problems with me, but a habit has started to grow in me. I just hope you know and understand that I wasn't avoiding you. I tend to ignore everything that's happening. I hate lazing there and doing nothing to stop all that ridiculous pain growing inside me. I would rather do loads and loads of things, busy my mind with unnecessary stuff, blur you away from my tracks of attention, mute everything that brings my mind far off. It isn't your fault. I repeat It isn't. I tried really really hard to be normal. I guess I did, quite well as a matter of a factly. Just that there's always some people who lurks around you and realises that something was really wrong with me. They don't really understand the balance that I am trying to keep within myself, but they do know it's quite a problem. Which we all agree that it shouldn't be my problem. Maybe you should have notice how I reacted, but I decided I am not taking you down any more. I don't think I would ever. I never wanted to. It's just intimidating. I like that word being used on myself. Astonishingly right. Because of all these things, I decided I would read Veronika Decides to Die. It's Paulo Coelho's book, again. I have always like him, the way he describes everything, it matches my patterns of life. It's like he teaches you things, not just about being somebody, but how and what you want to be. How do you avoid some things. Well, some things for instance. Brida was one of my favourite. Definitely. I remembered. Some things are your's forever if you don't own it. Veronika decides to Die is about suicide. Don't ask me why I wanted to read or, why am I reading this book. NO, I am not trying to kill myself. Seriously. I just wanted to know if Veronika really thinks the same way as I do. Routine kills. I mean some of them. Hey, I don't want to lie to you, so do interpret your assumptions properly.
Don't worry, this isn't some asking-for-mercy letter , asking-for-forgiveness-letter or a seeking-attention letter, or a typical letter.
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